3 Relationship Phases You Will Experience With a Narcissist!
A relationship with a narcissist is draining, stressful and sometimes even severely traumatizing. There are usually three basic phases that repeat themselves. Although every relationship with a narcissist has individual features, the process always looks similar. We would like to present these stages to you in this article.
Today: The 3 phases of a relationship with a narcissist
Now let's move on to the three phases.
1. The illusion phase
The illusion phase is about the victim getting involved in the relationship. At this point the narcissist showers you with supposed love and thus binds you to him. Because this takes an extremely long time, he isolates you from your other friends and family. You are supposed to focus only on him. This phenomenon is called love-bombing.
In addition, the narcissist also finds out what is important to you and what you want. He implements everything you want in order to fulfill your expectations, and then declares that this is just as important to him. In this way he makes you believe that you are soul mates, destined for each other, the perfect partners.
The narcissist builds up the illusion that he is the only one who can take care of you, that he supposedly wants only the best for you and that he also knows best what you need. Allegedly, all his steps are made out of pure love. The narcissist creates the belief that you should consider yourself lucky to be loved by him.
If in this phase distrust arises in you, the narcissist will probably turn the problem around, he will explain to you that you are the problem, that it is due to fear of commitment, that you are too sensitive or pathologically distrustful. He will give you the idea, by contrast, that his love is perfect.
2. Devaluation phase
In the devaluation phase, the narcissist begins to insult you, but also your friends and family. Anger outbursts and threats set in, sometimes even physical and sexual assaults. The attacks come in blow after blow and in variable intensity.
Sometimes victims, out of fear, try to keep the narcissist away from their loved ones, further isolating themselves. Initially, it is possible for violence and professions of love to alternate. But the professions of love will steadily decrease.
The narcissist explains his abuse with elaborate excuses. Because the devaluation phase usually occurs overnight, many are in shock. Then typically you look for the blame within yourself. The constant back and forth of love and devaluation is disturbing and traumatizing. It completely undermines your own self-perception.
As a consequence, anxiety and agitation, severe psychological distress and even depression can occur. The narcissist, on the other hand, invests less and less time in the relationship himself and is already looking for a new victim.
3. The throwaway phase
The throwaway phase does not happen inevitably. It only happens when the narcissist realizes that you want to break off the relationship, or when you start to resist. Then he tries to make himself the winner by dropping you before you can leave him.
The throwaway phase can also occur when you have become exhausted or depressed with your partner and therefore uninteresting. In the throwaway phase, the narcissist's power and control reach their peak, and he tends to be extremely cruel. In the process, he completely reverses the relationship of perpetrator and victim.
He involves family and friends and corrals them to act distant and dismissive towards you. With this last stage, the narcissist will once again make you believe he’s doing it for your own good. If this does not work, the narcissist tries to get rid of you by all means.
The third stage might be followed by a stage called hovering. In this phase, the narcissist tries to get a foot in the door one more time, picking up on manipulations that already exist and trying to drag you back into the cycle. Because these attempts can be constant and draining, it is best to strictly break off all contact after breaking up with a narcissist.