Be Boring! HOW To Get Narcissists To Leave YOU Alone!
The most successful first aid measure after a breakup with a narcissist is No Contact. But what if that is not possible? The secret is to stay calm and not show any emotions anymore. How to beat a narcissist with composure using the Grey Rock method is presented in this article.
The principle of No Contact is clear: where there is no contact, there are no opportunities for narcissists to play games. No Contact means, in addition to breaking off physical contact, no more correspondence or even connections through acquaintances and friends. This can go quite easily in some cases, the narcissistic person disappears from your life and you have peace of mind.
Typically, narcissists want to drag you into the same games over and over again around emotionality, like defensive posturing, disappointment, and pain.
But what if you simply stopped feeding all those emotions?
Composure is the magic word in dealing with narcissists and other massively emotionally disturbed personalities. The Grey Rock method specifically helps you to achieve this blissful state of emotional freedom. Along the way you will achieve clarification and awareness of old emotional reactions and thinking patterns. These are exactly the ways in which you attract narcissists again and again, or are particularly attractive to them.
So what is the Grey Rock method?
You need some routine and imagination. The Great Rock Method, simply put, is you turning yourself into a rock. If you are alone at home, this will certainly be very easy for you. However, if you meet narcissists, you may have a hard time with it, you may even fall completely out of character and out of your role at the beginning, but it doesn't matter because with every meeting you become stronger, respectively more boring.
The principle behind the method is simple and effective
Stones are hard, gray, boring and get little attention. At least this is the kind of stone you will turn into. If you have already flirted with becoming a diamond or a colorful rainbow stone, you are about to be disappointed.
Unfortunately, this is not how the principle of serene boredom works. Besides being special, flashy and beautiful, the narcissist lives on your emotionality. If you want to meet him looking your best, so that he finally sees what he is losing, you’re still operating on a dependency. Do you want to be the diamond the narcissist targets? Don't go down that road.
As of today, you are a boring gray cobblestone, a gray pebble, a granite block, or a slab of exposed aggregate concrete. Imagine this and see how your inner attitude towards yourself and your emotions changes. At the next meeting there will be no more special styling, no more lipstick and no more provocative appearance. This is exactly what the narcissist is looking for: from now on you are boring.
In order to work successfully with this method, you need practice. Whenever you react emotionally to the narcissist, he has already won. It doesn't matter if you meet in person or only have correspondence. The narcissist on the other end of the line draws emotion from your writing style and word choice.
If a face-to-face meeting is coming up, you turn into a stone whenever you think about it, whenever you prepare or dress for the meeting. In front of your PC, you also mutate into an emotionless stone before you answer the last rude mail from your ex-partner. Even if it hurts at first, your answers as a stone are sober, factual and unemotional.
No narcissist will accept this immediately. It may even be that particularly cunning specimens see through the strategy. Unerringly, your counterpart will push your buttons. In essence, a narcissist doesn't care whether you feed him with appreciation and love or with negativity, both are fine with him.
The main thing is that he has your attention and energy again. He pulls the strings in an active or passive way, and you are forced to react. The only way out of this trap is detachment from your own emotions and absolute serenity. The Grey Rock method helps you to free yourself from this polar emotionality.
After some point you will find your glorious peace, this will have an overall beneficial effect on your life and social environment. If you detach yourself from the emotions that have been his sustenance, the narcissist will inevitably let go of you at some point. He won't do that willingly, and he won't do that quietly. It may take time.
Another quality of the stone is permanence; become a big, immovable block. You won't move an inch from your plans for freedom, even under the hardest bombardment and in the face of the nastiest methods. Initially, your composure will provoke the narcissist, and he will be at his best. At the same time, you'll get better and better at being boring.
From now on, see each new attack as a welcome help to finally let go of your emotions. You are no longer of any use to him. He will have to turn to another victim in a very pragmatic way. In the private sphere, this means you’ll soon have that divine No Contact. In the workplace, the Grey Rock method can buy you valuable time to find opportunities elsewhere, where you can shine. This is especially necessary in the workplace.
Please remember that narcissistic colleagues or superiors will no longer attack you as a rock. However, they will also not recognize or promote you. That's it for today.