Lonely is the one who is not loved. We always think of lonely people as lone wolves: alone in the wilderness, with no social contacts and no private life to speak of. Surprisingly, the truth is quite different. Psychology defines loneliness as a state in which our emotional needs are not satisfied by the quality of our own relationships. The key word here is quality.

The amount of social contacts that we maintain on a daily basis says nothing at all about how much they fulfill us or not. Often the loneliest people are those who live their lives surrounded by countless others. But so-called "relationships" also include the intrapersonal component, or: the good or not so good connection to ourselves.

So there are two main things that make us lonely: bad relationships with others and a bad relationship with ourselves. This is the good and not so good news in one. Because: the power is at least partly in our hands. If you're feeling lonely, knowing this gives you a chance to take back control of your life's happiness. In this article, you'll learn 7 signs that the shroud of loneliness have already caught up with you:

Social media platforms are your home away from home.

Loneliness takes many tolls. Among them is that we can't cope in the real world anymore. We feel misunderstood and left out. So it comes in handy that in recent years a real parallel universe has opened up on the Internet, which is hard to beat in terms of colorfulness and versatility. Since the triumph of social media, many people are only connected to their smartphones, but no longer to their lives.

The lonely, however, are benefiting from this development in particular. It's easy to connect digitally with half the globe without getting up from the sofa. A like here, a comment there, and we're part of a community. We don't care much about the occasional rough wind blowing in this anonymous community, where everything is allowed and almost nothing is forbidden. With one click, disagreeable contributions and contacts are history.

Deep down, we probably wish for nothing more than to belong in the real world. The invisible bonus for our well-being, scrolling on our cell phones, causes our brains to release dopamine, also known as the pleasure hormone. It constantly rewards us for keeping our nose firmly planted on the screen instead of plunging into real life. Unfortunately, this hormonal coup never comes to a happy end. Satisfaction doesn't set in, which is why only our own exhaustion or that of our data plan force us to take a break at some point.

Sleep and/or eating disorders torment you.

Our well-being shows itself, among other things, through a healthy relationship with our body. It has to endure everything that our psyche can no longer manage. Loneliness in particular takes its toll. Which is why our mind withdraws and lets the body take over. The body knows many tactically clever coping strategies for dealing with emotional overload. One of them is eating.

Here we go to one of two extremes, depending on the type. Out of sheer loneliness, we either stuff ourselves with everything edible that the refrigerator has to offer, or we allow our body to experience the same hunger that our soul suffers. Emotional eating or controlled food deprivation are, unfortunately, very popular means to fill the endless black hole inside in the short term.

Another consequence of loneliness, which already manifests itself physically, is sleep disturbances. "The sleep of the righteous" should actually be renamed "the sleep of the happy." Only those who are emotionally, psychologically and physically at peace with themselves can let themselves sink relaxed into Morpheus' arms.

Materialism is your religion.

Another substitute satisfaction, if it doesn’t work out with the social contacts, is consuming. The accumulation of material goods is practiced by many lonely people to somehow counteract the emptiness in their lives.

Here, too, as with eating, in the short term we get relief and a satisfied feeling, in the long term, this compensation strategy leads to oversaturation and possibly even to financial hardship, which makes us slide even deeper into loneliness. Expensive status symbols and luxurious purchases are supposed to fill the place in our lives that is actually due to people.

Your emotions are out of control.

If it happens to you more and more often that the smallest little things completely upset you and make you go ballistic, this does not exactly speak for emotional balance. The perceived opposite of this is uncontrollable tearfulness and crying fits. Moreover, such lapses tend to strike at the most inopportune times.

Our feelings cannot be suppressed and put in a corner for long. At some point they want the attention they deserve. If you are lonely and feel like a fifth wheel in society most of the time, your emotions will eventually run amok and your facade will no longer withstand the pressure.

Being alone is unbearable for you.

The subtle difference between loneliness and being alone is only known to people who have a good relationship with themselves. This is exactly where the point about the intrapersonal track comes in. We learn to be the dearest company of all either from an early age or never to ourselves.

Those who spend time alone often and enjoy it as children will be wary of being driven out of this paradise as adults. Lonely people, on the other hand, can do no worse than being alone. They feel literally engulfed by the silence that surrounds them and the bleak vacuum that fills them.

Boredom and restlessness alternate.

He who is lonely is on the ropes and on the fence. On the one hand, one would do well to defy the demons with the cold hands and throw oneself into the fray, but on the other hand, he beats us to it anyway and waits for us in every place where we have to hide from him. We will not succeed in shaking off loneliness or running away from it.

No busy schedule and no monstrous leisure program will be able to deal with the evil where it would be necessary, at its root. At some point, the lonely find themselves in a balancing act between chronic boredom, since nothing can fulfill them anyway, and pulse-pounding restlessness, constantly on the run.

Envy and jealousy tear you apart.

Here you can do the practice test. Go out on the street and observe couples in love or groups of people who are obviously having a good time together. What feeling spontaneously arises in you? If we are happy and socially well anchored, we rejoice with others. If the opposite is the case, we might turn green with envy and only our good upbringing keeps us from spitting venom and bile in public.

Today’s Conclusion

Togetherness is not the solution. The fight against loneliness begins within us. If you can't handle yourself well, you can't expect anyone else to heal that sore spot. The solution to loneliness is not togetherness or new friends. Become your own best friend and loneliness is history. That's it for today, thank you and see you soon!

7 Signs That YOU Feel Extremely Lonely!