Why You Should Never Say This!
It's not just with a look that we might send a devastating message to our loved ones. Words can also prove to be poisonous arrows, with dire consequences for our relationship. Once a nasty phrase has left our mouth, it is a reality. Denial is then futile. So is glossing over or downplaying what has been said. In the worst case, the only thing that helps is a sincere apology. However, you cannot take back your words. So, it's best not to let it get that far. Even in the worst quarrel and in the most heated discussion, we should cultivate a minimum of consideration. In this article, we will cover 10 phrases that should never escape your lips.
1. This is all your fault
As a matter of principle, assigning blame does not bring a dilemma any closer to a solution. In the context of a partnership, however, this sentence is doubly toxic in terms of its effect. A relationship consists of two people who once agreed to take a few steps together towards the future. Now one of them is overturning this silent agreement by placing the entire responsibility, including the question of guilt, on the other. The latter, in turn, feels not only unfairly treated, but also left alone.
2. You are just like your mother or father
Ouch! For some reason, no one likes to hear that sentence. We don't want even the nicest parents as role models for our own lives. Discord and disagreement has probably occurred at least to some extent in every parent-child relationship. Therefore, we want to leave our own footprints in the world and, above all, do it much better than our dear parents. The accusation of becoming exactly like them is therefore a heavy one and, moreover, it is hard to refute. Because whether we like it or not, we share the same gene pool with them and therefore almost certainly have more in common with them than we would like.
3. I knew it
We might as well hurl an infantile "tee-hee" at our better halves. Even if we love being in the right, gleefully flaunting our satisfaction at our partners' expense like this is neither constructive nor adult. If you can't help yourself, think of such phrases as "I told you so" as a mean ambush attack. You are stabbing them in the back in addition to the error they seem to have made.
4. If you really cared about me, then....
Yes, exactly. And if we all tried a little harder, we wouldn't even need to utter such killer sentences. Here, emotional blackmail lurks between the lines, used quite openly as a weapon against our loved ones. Sentences like this are not only manipulative and toxic, they also show great insecurity. Taking your partner hostage by force is an act of sheer desperation.
5. I am not used to this
Beware! With these words you open the ex-files. You are alluding to the fact that your exes managed this one thing or several things much better or solved them more elegantly than your current partner. No one likes to be compared to exes. Don't do it on purpose or to prove a point, you'll only stir up jealousy and pointless arguments.
6. How did it come to this?
It is quite normal after a certain time as a couple that the rose-colored glasses are lost and the magic of the beginning of love evaporates. At some point you realize that the other person is also just a human being with flaws and less commendable qualities. But then to act as if you were dragged into this relationship ignorantly and against your will shows immaturity and little objectivity. A partnership consists of two people, no matter how disastrously your love has developed so far. Both of you were involved, not one alone.
7. Say something
Silent partners can make us very angry in the heat of the moment. But if we really get into a topic with all our senses, we don't really need a second opinion. We want an audience for our tantrum or rant. At most, someone may agree with us and applaud. The request to speak up actually only translates as: "Now admit that I'm right.''
8. Are you forgetting something?
Taking down the garbage, the wedding day, kissing goodbye or picking up the kids from daycare or school. This phrase has never meant anything good in the history of couples. Nevertheless, the criticism that will undoubtedly follow this could be applied more constructively. The provocation that resonates in this question does not exactly testify to great feelings for one another, let alone understanding and empathy.
9. Are you even listening to me?
This question also clearly implies: "Now, finally, agree with me". Nobody likes to talk to a wall, that's for sure. But sometimes there could also be the possibility that we force our better halves to turn off the heat out of pure self-preservation. If we prefer to push our point, over time they develop a kind of selective hearing. This enables them to filter out the important information and confidently tune out our angry monologues. In that sense, the question is a valid one. But the answer to it had better never be truthfully answered with "No, of course not".
10. Let's settle this later
Putting a partner's desire to talk on the back burner is not a sign of great interest. Some things need to be clarified here and now. In any case, you should bury the faint hope that later will never be.
Today's Conclusion: Don't say anything you will regret
And above all, don't say anything you don't really mean. Empty threats and passive-aggressive verbal blows are childish and immature. Every word can hit like the proverbial arrow to the heart. Therefore, don't do this to your loved one on a whim. It could be fatal, if not to the other person, then at least to your love. That's it for today. Thanks very much and see you soon.