THESE Feelings Should Never Be Confused With Love
It is not always what we would like it to be, even if love, loosely based on the famous poem by Erich Fried, disagrees here. Love is not always what it is. Sometimes it camouflages itself and gets close thanks to our wishful thinking. Often, we wish love into our lives so much that we interpret pretty much every feeling and reaction of another person towards us accordingly. The interpersonal realm can present itself with an enormous range of feelings that are linked to affection at the core of their being. Love, however, is in a completely different league. We'd like to spare you this misdirection, and in this article we'll introduce you to 4 feelings that are closely related to love and sometimes lead us astray.
1. Safety
It is something that many people long for, and it therefore always beckons by appearing like love. Women in particular still very often find themselves in situations where a strong shoulder and a safe haven mean their greatest happiness and salvation from misfortune. Many rationales used to be based on this principle. Even in today's world, there is nothing to be said against sharing the cost of housing and living expenses, especially when children are involved, or career prospects are anything but rosy. What used to be the main motive for marriage, provision and protection, is actually no longer a compelling reason today, or at least it shouldn't be. Nevertheless, many people, predominantly women, choose the safe option and confuse it with love. It may even make sense and be conducive to logical arguments to gamble on safety and put it in the foreground. However, you then have to be prepared for disappointment when it comes to romance and should not be surprised when the supposed prince turns out to be a frog.
2. Sympathy
Having a heart for one's fellow human beings is a matter of honor. However, we should not overdo it with sympathy, at least not to the extent that we start a relationship out of pure pity. The veil of loneliness can certainly have an attractive effect on some people. Especially for those with a tendency toward helper syndrome, who are at risk if someone plays the victim card or pushes the right buttons. Even if it is not done consciously, sympathy is not a basis for a relationship. It's a case for charity, but certainly not for the romantic love we desire in the bottom of our hearts. Many partnerships begin this way and end up as perpetual social work, where every day feels like a sheltered workshop. Don't make the mistake of choosing a partner who desperately needs you or even claims they can't live without you. The path from empathy to co-dependency is then only a fine line. Love does not live there, only the overwhelming needs of one side, which the other can hardly keep up with.
3. Forbidden attraction
Why we humans find the cherries in our neighbor's garden more enticing than those on the tree outside our front door will probably remain an eternal mystery. Men and women alike are still magically drawn to the allure of the forbidden or to people who are difficult to win over. Whether married or in steady relationships, priests, nuns or life-sentenced inmates in prisons, the fringe groups that are not actually available on the dating market exert an inexplicable attraction on some people, who promptly mistake this feeling for love. The thrill of the hunt and sheer vanity are not always the reason for such adventures. In any case, marriages and careers are often destroyed by such amorous ambitions. One of the most elementary wisdoms in matters of love is: If it doesn't go easily, it's not meant for you. We can't always explain what it is that fascinates us about other people, but if they are not available as potential partners, we should exercise common sense despite the eruption of emotions and feelings. Surprisingly enough, this supposed love always wears off considerably when the forbidden is suddenly legitimate and tangible. So, the feeling was by no means real, but only a mirage. And it certainly wasn't love, because that would remain.
4. Physical attraction and pure passion
Our body speaks its own language and also has its own mind, which does not always agree with the thinking apparatus on our shoulders. Despite all progress, we humans are still a product of our biology and our genes. Nature does everything in its power to ensure that we remain as a species, whatever the cost. It is therefore not at all uncommon for us to meet people and spontaneously fall head over heels for them. The physical attraction is enormous, the tension is palpable, and the air literally vibrates every time we meet them. Here, pleasure reigns, supported by nature's determination to strive for total reproduction of every species. Sounds unromantic, and it is. Instead of love, it’s our urges that have us firmly in their grip. If we give in to temptation and dive into a sea of passion, the hormones do the rest. Especially the notorious cuddling or bonding hormone oxytocin is still mercilessly playing into evolution's hands. One night together is quite enough to form a family with these people in spirit. None of what happens under the covers has anything to do with love. Sexuality is only one of many levels, which serves love, if it develops, as a communication platform. For some people, it is also just a nice pastime or a means to an end, to get confirmation from the outside and to feed their own ego.
Today's Conclusion: What is love?
If we could answer this question so simply, humanity would probably soon be over. It is precisely the longing for love and the desperate desire to discover its essence that drives us on. Love will probably remain a myth forever, demanding more faith from us than knowledge. Only one thing is certain: if we find it, there will be no room for doubt. That's it for today. Thanks very much and see you soon.