Sad but True! This Is Not True Love! Be Done With It!
Love can be defined as the most beautiful feeling in the world. Love is the state that every person wants to bring into his life. We think of tenderness, support in all circumstances and walks on the beach. We hope for the movie-ready romance à la Hollywood and not infrequently wake up to a drama. In hardly any other area of our lives do expectations and reality diverge as widely as in love. Some couples groove with each other over the years and live an everyday life that suits both sides. Many relationships, in turn, define life. We can't force anyone to love us. But we can stop fooling ourselves about it. If you want to know if your love is the real thing or just something convenient for one or the other of you, in this article we have seven sure signs of love that’s not true.
1. Conversations about the future are stonewalled.
Starting a family, finding a bigger apartment, summer vacation, or maybe even plans for next weekend: If talking about future events always makes you feel like you've broken some invisible rule, there's clearly sand in the gears of a relationship. If partners don't even want to commit to a trip or the next weekend, they've already mentally departed from that relationship or were never really there in the first place. Making plans together is one of the most fulfilling activities for two, something that costs nothing and instantly adds a little color to the gray everyday life. If someone close to you refuses to have any conversation about the future, it's for one reason and one reason only: they don't see themselves there with you by their side.
2. People don't make an effort with you anymore.
Going out on traditional dates, granting small gifts or attention, preparing breakfast – they might have done all that for you in the past. Now it seems that the courtship is over. There are no more suggestions for joint ventures and the relationship takes place almost exclusively in front of the TV. When you go shopping, your preferences are no longer taken into account or the housework is left to you in its entirety. Celebrations such as birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas are completely ignored, perhaps even forgotten or deliberately sabotaged.
3. He’s not interested in your family and friends.
Getting to know your family and friends is an important milestone in a relationship. After all, there are two families here that need to be introduced and won over. Even if, over time, the fun of accompanying you to your parents’ house or other family gatherings every weekend might have been limited, it's part of the unwritten job description of a partnership and non-negotiable. The same goes for your circle of friends: if they don't value them, they won’t value you.
4. The famous 3 words sound hollow and stale.
You can probably still best remember how the first "I love you" sounded from the mouth of your better half. You never forget that moment. In the meantime, however, this phrase has become very rare in everyday speech or sounds as inspired as the takeout menu. If you feel there’s no meaning behind the L-word anymore, that’s unfortunately a barometer that gives information about the quality of the entire relationship. And here the sign says: you’re falling off the cliff of this one.
5. You are no longer important.
Their buddies, work, the club, even the mountain bike or the fishing rod - they all come long before you on the priority list of your better half. While you used to enjoy spending a lot of time together, she or he is now gradually trading you in for smartphones, laptops or the TV. You don't even have to say it out loud, you can feel it. In this relationship, you simply don't matter anymore. Maybe everyday life has crept in and life has buried you and your love under it. But many couples have to go through this and still cherish each other. Unfortunately, the loss of love in a relationship is like all suspicions and assumptions that you do not want to believe. In four out of five cases, the sinking feeling in the gut is confirmed. If you hear hooves pounding, it is usually a horseman of the apocalypse and not a zebra. Don't be satisfied fobbed with grumpy comments or flat generalities when you want to bring up the subject. Of course, she or he will want to continue to pretend that everything’s fine. Who voluntarily gives up his or her comfortable all inclusive life? And, yes, unfortunately, without love you are no more to your partner than a servant who makes his or her life an all-around carefree proposition. If this servant existence is enough for you, good for you. If not, it's time to draw the consequences.
6. Intimacy and passion peter out.
A sure first early warning sign that there is a crisis in a partnership is the loss of a shared love life. Unfortunately, sexuality and eroticism are too often relegated to a dirty corner or dismissed as not that important. None of this is true when it comes to an adult relationship. Physical contact not only fulfills the need for tingling eroticism, it is one of the five languages of love. The well-known bestseller of the same name by Gary Chapman names tenderness and physical closeness within a couple relationship as one of the five possible expressions of it. Every time we touch, the cuddle hormone oxytocin is also released in our bodies. It is also nicknamed the bonding hormone, and rightly so. Oxytocin ensures that every cuddle and passionate interlude makes us feel more attached to our partners.
7. You compromise on everything.
A partnership normally consists of two adults. Opinions, beliefs, interests and dislikes become 100% part of the relationship from the moment of falling in love. It must be clear to everyone that this equation cannot work without compromises. The unwritten law applies here: both make their contribution. Everyone has to give in sometimes, otherwise the fragile construct of a love relationship will not work in the long run. If at some point in your relationship you realize that you are the only one who compromises and puts your needs and desires at the back of the line, you have already reached an imbalance that will cause the boat to sink. A structure where one decides where to go and the other obediently follows, is a dictatorship but certainly not love.
Today’s Conclusion
Sometimes you have to cut the line. If you have suspected for a long time that your love is no longer a love, perhaps our overview has strengthened your resolve here. Of course, it speaks well of you that you want to fight for your relationship and save it at all costs. But this is only possible if both sides are interested in it. Bring up the topic objectively and unemotionally. The reaction of your better half will tell you how much she or he really still cares about you. If love has flown the coop, a partnership lacks its soul and, just as at the end of a life, there’s no second chance.