THIS Is How YOU Should React to Unfriendly People!
Never fly off the handle again. Rude and impolite people are unfortunately something we encounter again and again in life. They tend to be the loudest and most stubborn of our contemporaries, and they don’t go quiet easily. If we can somehow avoid them wholesale, we should definitely do so in the name of our peace of mind. However, this is often easier said than done. Especially in the workplace and in our own neighborhoods, we often find ourselves pinned down, as if there is no escape from toxic fellow human beings. If we are attacked, even if only verbally, evolution has given us two different exit strategies along the genetic path: Fight or flight. One half of humanity tends to switch to justification or explanation mode, while the other buries its head in the sand and hopes that the storm will pass as quickly as possible. Neither option is healthy for our emotional and psychological equilibrium; every insult and affront sticks with us somewhere, and often for a long time. Words can hurt us a lot, as we all know, but since we can't all live as hermits in a cave far away from civilization, we have to deal with foul-mouthed and toxic fellow human beings somehow. Fortunately, there are ways and means to slow down unkind and mean people at least a little bit, and to do it quite confidently and elegantly. We'll introduce you to the five most effective ones in this article.
1. Yes, you're right
Wait, what? Our counterpart and we ourselves would probably have least expected this reaction. Responding to scolding and shaming with agreement does require a certain amount of inner composure. But it can also simply mean that one is fed up with the daily or at least regular bickering that seems to have no end and therefore leads nowhere. This tactic takes the wind out of the sails of our attackers. They absolutely do not expect approval and, moreover, their attack comes to nothing and does not cause indignation and outcry as they had hoped. Here, they simply give in, no matter what it's about. All we have to do is make our peace of mind worth it, to prefer the defensive to the offensive.
2. Stop!
This response probably comes to mind most often, and it comes from the bottom of our hearts. Before we continually swallow all our anger and risk a stomach ulcer or worse, sometimes we just have to pull the ripcord. Explaining to your aggressor in no uncertain terms that this conversation is now over may be the most healing and honest of the methods presented here. However, it is not always applicable without loss of face and fear of consequences, for example in a professional context. What makes this response so healthy for us is that we have regained control of the situation. We made it clear, no one is allowed to speak to us like that, no one is allowed to treat us badly. On the other side of the coin, unfortunately, it can look like we are adding fuel to the fire with this response. We are giving our opponents immense pleasure in showing them their poison dart has hit the mark.
3. if you can't convince them, confuse them
Another effective tactic to declare war on the sourpusses and the venom slingers without having to switch to exhausting and undignified battle mode is the friendly confusion game. Those who manage to respond to a verbal rapid-fire with a smile or, even better, a frivolous wink, pull the plug on this unfriendly conversation entirely without words. The counterpart is perplexed and does not understand what’s happening. For advanced players, this method can be played one level higher. No matter what the insult or the stupid words are that others throw at you, answer from the bottom of your heart with a sentence that makes no sense; preferably with a well-known quote. Example: The cranky work colleague greets you with a taxing look and says "Did you get dressed in the dark today?" Your response is, "I know I know nothing," or "Soul of man, wide land." The more profound and cryptic your answer sounds, the better. You kill two birds with one stone. On the one hand, she or he will fall silent for the time being, because the attack didn’t lead to their desired success, and on the other hand, they will spend the rest of the day racking their brains as to what you might have meant. By the way, hardly anyone will ask. Don't give them an opening, and if you do, add another load of irritation and respond with "Just think about it." This psycho tactic should keep them busy for at least a while and you'll have your peace.
4. Just say "Thank you!"
Some of the most effective words to end any discussion are "Thank you." It's the verbal Teflon of all sentences and will politely, but firmly, make any conversation fizzle out. And the best thing about it is that there is nothing wrong with a "thank you." In no law of the world is this little phrase considered an insult, an affront, or bullying. It also signals maturity and makes it clear to our counterpart that we will not stoop to his level.
5. I'm interested in your opinion on this
If you really want to struggle with the psyche of a rude and aggressive personality, you can choose this tactic. It requires a tremendous amount of inner strength, but may be worth it in the end. Studies of the Dunning-Kruger effect have shown that you can pick up people stricken with bad attitude at eye level by getting their perspective. But the conversation has to be on an adult level and civilized. Sometimes the troublemakers are really just about being heard, like angry little children when they throw themselves on the floor and vent their dissatisfaction with the overall situation. Responding to the other person and calmly listening to what he or she has to say about a particular point of view can actually prove to be the holy grail of conflict management in the medium to long term. But the shot can also backfire. If the grouchy party doesn’t expect this appreciative reaction, the only option left to him or her is to retreat. The choice between flight or fight would then be elegantly returned to the opponent.
Our conclusion
He who is wiser, uses his head. The sad truth with regard to toxic fellow human beings is: To have a factual conversation with them among adults is mostly a futile labor of love. They simply want to spray their poison and double their bad mood by sharing it. Sometimes you just can't get as much St. John's wort tea and valerian drops from your local pharmacy as would be necessary for some of your fellow human beings. It’s not our fault that we take their spiteful and derogatory comments so much to heart, and we cannot change them. What we can do is to rethink our attitude towards them. Offering little attack surface and showing hardly any reactions to their nastiness is the only way to keep them reasonably in check. The only way to win here is to refuse to play.