Phases of Gaslighting: Steps Into the Abyss That You Must Protect Yourself From!
Steps towards an abyss. Gaslighting is now a widely used term. Since just a few years ago many people have been experiencing this drama without knowing the term for it. Also, few victims of gaslighting were aware that there was calculation and method behind this supposed madness. For a long time, many of those affected did not dare to go public with their story, which is why many gaslighters still have an easy time bringing others under their control. Gaslighters are unfortunately not stupid or short-sighted. They build the prison for their victims successively and thoughtfully. They think strategically and plan for the long term. Their repertoire includes a whole range of psychological sleight of hand and manipulative words, which they skillfully use for their own purposes. In this article, we would like to briefly show you how gaslighters trap their victims.
1. Lovebombing.
The beginning of a relationship with a gaslighter, whether female or male, feels like a fairy tale come true. As the name of this stage suggests, you are literally bombarded with love messages, gifts and surprises. This might include unannounced visits, such as when you are actually out with your friends or on business. You seem to be adored like a princess and can hardly believe your luck. Unfortunately, these gestures have only one goal: to blind you with fake romance so that you miss the warning signs. Why doesn't she or he have any friends to introduce you to? Why is there no more contact with family? Why are questions about the past always somehow uncomfortable? But just one luxurious weekend trip later, you've already forgotten all these missing answers to the burning questions. The lovebombing phase is meant to blind and numb us. Victims who can't defend themselves and don't question anything critically are easy prey to this.
2. You become part of an invented story.
Now that you find yourself in this apparently wonderful relationship, strange things suddenly start happening. The actually harmless or even funny episodes of your failures are blown up and deformed into monstrous outrages. In the presence of other people, your new love never misses an opportunity to show you up and make you look stupid. Since these scenes are ultimately about nothing, you let things rest, even if your gut feeling at this point is already quite strongly opposed.
3. Sudden break off of contact.
But if you resist these strange narratives that are suddenly making the rounds about you, you will experience a miracle of a different kind. Your better half will suddenly withdraw from you and enact total radio silence. This tactic is very popular with gaslighters. They let their victims run into the icy wall of silence if they don't behave appropriately. Unfortunately, this strategy works as well as always and the net around the victim gets tighter and tighter.
4. It's always you who is to blame.
The next step on the way to total relationship control is the blanket delegation of the question of guilt. This is quickly answered. From now on, it is you who is to blame for all defeats and failures, no matter how absurd or far-fetched the manufactured connections may be.
5. Power lies in repetition.
Now, if you think that yes, you can adapt to this behavior and simply avoid the situations that cause discord in the love nest in the future, you are sorely mistaken. The gaslighter has to keep reminding you of how life-less you actually are without him or her. She or he therefore proves to you again and again that someone like you would simply be lost without a strong hand. Humiliations and insults alternating with comforting and supposedly understanding words complete the picture.
6. Raising false hopes.
What makes life with gaslighters so incredibly difficult is the roller coaster ride of emotions you are subjected to. The stick is followed by the carrot, and quarrels are followed by reconciliation, not infrequently with expensive gifts, to boot. Particularly cruel are promises for the future, such as starting your own family, that next summer vacation, and so on. They usually use these levers to target the weak points of their victims.
7. They isolate you from family and friends.
Strictly speaking, this phase of gaslighting actually starts at the very beginning of your getting to know each other. However, gaslighters are careful enough not to show their true intentions right away. It starts with them not wanting to meet your circle of friends and family. Thus, from the very beginning, you have to constantly choose sides. At the beginning of this hopeful love affair, however, you're still in the middle of lovebombing, so you don't even notice that you're neglecting your friends more and more in favor of your new romance. The first few meetings are also difficult. Your new love starts telling these stories about you that you think just aren't true. Then, when you're alone, she or he will tell you epic tales about how mean and dismissive everyone has been. The gaslighter may even pull a few nasty remarks out of his or her sleeve that your family and friends made about you while you were out of the room.
8. Total control.
Once gaslighters are sure of what they are doing, they will tighten the screws on you. They'll start dictating how you dress, who you can and can't spend time with. The once-generous partners will monitor your smartphone, your social media activity, and your every move.
9. They enjoy driving you crazy.
Besides total control, the gaslighter's greatest pleasure is playing with their victims' emotions and literally torturing them. They hide objects for fun, just to make you think that your memory is suffering and that you are no longer the master of your senses.
10. You give up.
One of the big questions surrounding gaslighters is always what the real goal of these people is. For one thing, of course, they want control over other people. They enjoy pulling the strings and playing games with those around them. Sometimes the motivations for this terror are to gain control over the victims' financial resources. However, it isn’t rare for gaslighters to lose interest in their game as soon as they reach the target of control. The partners are then exchanged for new ones.
Today’s Conclusion
Listen to your intuition. At the beginning of a new love affair, we see everything through rose-colored glasses. We don't listen to any hints from family and friends, only want to see the good and the beautiful and don't question anything. But a little healthy distrust doesn't hurt. Once in the clutches of a gaslighter, there is no easy escape.