Why Do We Often Mistake Lust for Love? Find the Answers!

Love and lust: quite similar and yet quite different. They are two of the most basic human feelings that often go hand in hand. Yet precisely because they like to take the stage together, many people confuse them. In fact, they are completely independent emotions that can operate independently without any problems and do so not infrequently. Love actually gets along without lust, and lust thrives fine without love. Why do we still find it so difficult to distinguish between the two feelings? Why do we so often mistake lust for love? In this article we try to summarize the most important facts about the two most beautiful emotions of the human emotional spectrum. 

1. What's the difference between love and lust?

Difficult question, short answer: love springs mainly from emotional, spiritual and mental intimacy. Lust is based mainly on physical and sexual intimacy. The most important key word in this crisp explanation is "mainly." It is precisely the fact that the boundaries are often blurred, and that we can rarely pinpoint exactly which feeling is taking us over, that makes it so difficult to differentiate.

2. What defines love?

To the point or several points, love is sometimes sexual in nature, dominated by feelings, a romantic, emotional and spiritual connection, sometimes characterized by strong physical and sexual attachment, possible with or without lust.

3. What defines lust?

Unlike love, lust is always sexual in nature, physically dominated, a sexual and physical connection, sometimes accompanied by romantic, emotional or mental attachment with or without love possible.

4. How can we be sure of what we feel?

In principle, we react very clearly as far as certain people are concerned. If we are sexually aroused or if corresponding fantasies are dominating our thoughts, our interest in her or him is predominantly physical. Palpitations can serve both sides of the coin. It speaks for love, but an increased pulse also goes hand in hand with erotic desire, just like dilated pupils. Do you wonder what she or he is wearing underneath their clothes every time you meet? Do you look deeply into his or her eyes, but don't hear a word of what is being said? Then you are already lying horizontal in spirit, not in the direction of the marriage altar. If, on the other hand, you are preoccupied with questions like, "When should I introduce him or her to my friends, my family?" or "What would our future together look like?" then your heart and soul are set on love. If you're still not quite sure, there's one killer question that can remove any doubt. Can she be the mother, can he be the father of my children? Even if the family planning thing is not yet an issue for you, the answer to this will take you a decisive step further.

5. How do we know what others are feeling?

Here, unfortunately, it becomes difficult or impossible to find a satisfactory answer. The problem here is that we interpret too much and the bottom line is that we know too little. The only thing that can really give us clarity here is a thorough conversation. If you want to at least have an idea of how she or he feels about you after some time together, the good old "just ask" is the way to go. Of course, it's a good sign if your new conquest wants to spend a lot of time with you outside of the bedroom. Also, revealing very personal, intimate details about themselves shows trust. If someone is dying to know old things about you, asks you a lot of questions, and is interested in learning more about you and your family and friends, you can be cautiously optimistic. Nevertheless, speculating, wishing and dreaming does not mean knowing.

6. How can we cultivate love?

Love wants to be nurtured, cherished and respected. As soon as we take it for granted, we harm it. However, cultivating love first and foremost requires effort on our part. This includes understanding, willingness to compromise, patience and acceptance. Love can develop over time, but sometimes it is simply present or absent. The greatest enemy of love is compulsion. Forcing something through will never meet with success.

7. How can we bring more lust into our lives?

Here, communication is necessary at the beginning. If you want to continue on the path, you have to ask for the best route. If you notice that your need for more lust meets with reciprocation, think together about what could rekindle the fire of desire. Read books, watch movies together or try things that appeal to you and arouse your curiosity. Lust usually follows on its heels.

8. Love or lust: who wins?

This question is easy to answer: no one. In the duel of love and lust, it will always be 1:1 as long as we humans exist. Why? Because both feelings are essential for the continued existence of mankind and we can do without neither. However, each person for himself can of course decide what is more important to him and which state he would like to have for himself in his life.

9. What do I want?

We are allowed to want both; in fact, it would be wrong to settle for just one of them. If you are looking for a fulfilling love relationship with future potential, but at the moment you find yourself in a purely physical affair, this will not be the royal road for you. Of course, you can let the erotic interlude continue for a while, but don't make the mistake of expecting an upgrade. Of course, there are relationships that have grown out of lustful affairs. But if after a while the bedroom is still the only common denominator, there is little potential for development.

10. How do we get what we want?

It helps enormously to know what that is in concrete terms. If you like to keep things casual and non-committal, there are plenty of opportunities to meet like-minded people these days. If you are thinking seriously about the future and family planning is a fixed part of your agenda, you should go looking for a partner with this clear goal in mind. Important: Communicate your wishes as soon as possible after getting to know each other, so you can save yourself and your partner precious time.

Today’s Conclusion:

Love and lust: why the difference makes no difference. Both feelings are powerful and strong, both deserve space in our lives. If we reject one and only want the other, that's just as okay as keeping our eyes on the whole package. Our needs are as individual as we are. The only real mistake would be to suppress the desire for love or the desire for pleasure in this context. Compromising here, because perhaps the partner only wants lust but not love, will sooner or later plunge us into unhappiness. Love without lust, on the other hand, can work, but for the lustful part it can be frustrating and unfulfilling in the long run. That's it for today.