THIS Is How To React to Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship!
Be loving if you can. Emotional blackmail is a highly dysfunctional dynamic that is unfortunately not uncommon in relationships. It is a form of manipulation that an individual uses to make demands on the other. This can be described as a kind of psychological terror, as the victims often do not know what is happening to them for a long time. Threatening others to get what you want should not be the norm in any human relationship. It certainly has no place in a romantic one. Partners often use this tactic when they are unsure of themselves or find weaknesses in their significant other, which they then shamelessly exploit for their own purposes. As with traditional blackmail, the bottom line is, "If you don't do what I want, you'll be sorry." But how does it come to this and what is the best way to deal with it as a victim? We have a few answers to these questions for you in this article.
1. How does emotional blackmail come about?
Similar to pathological jealousy, there is an imbalance in the relationship at the beginning of emotional blackmail. A partner feels inferior and thinks they cannot keep up or are missing out. Sometimes jealousy and emotional blackmail go hand in hand. For example, when a man does not want to stop seeing his friends but his partner feels neglected. There may be statements like "if you keep seeing them, I’ll find another man". Threatened with abandonment and sometimes even self-harm or suicide, the victims find themselves in a quandary which they have to negotiate. If emotional blackmail proves effective and leads to the desired result, the victim has unknowingly opened the door to a relationship full of this kind of behavior. From this point onwards, the if-then argument will dominate the rules of the game. Strong personalities do not need to resort to such a ruse. They know their value and, above all, they know their place within the relationship. A self-confident woman with her own circle of friends, for example, would not for a second have a problem occasionally sharing her partner with his friends. Sometimes this unsightly dynamic is also based on envy. One half may have completed an important apprenticeship, made a career or blossomed into a fitter and more attractive person than at the beginning of the partnership. The other half feels worthless and left behind. The fear of losing your partner resonates constantly. What follows are often helpless attempts to remain meaningful within the relationship.
2. How does it show up in everyday relationships?
The if-then argument is the most popular form of emotional blackmail. In the heat of an argument, it comes out of our mouths quite quickly and doesn't require any sophisticated tactics. We've all probably mastered the defiant threat of consequences since the time we were forced to share our toys with other children in the sandbox. The threats in adulthood can relate to destroying things, withdrawing love, divulging intimate details to in-laws and friends, or more pressing scenarios such as the aforementioned self-harm and even intent to kill.
Example: "If I ever catch you looking at another woman, I'll kill her."
Incidentally, both sexes use this tactic. Sometimes this mind game creeps into a relationship as an everyday tool. Everything the other says is answered with the same methodical strategy.
For example, "You ruined my life and now you want me to stop drinking?" Or, "It's your fault I didn't get that promotion." And even for the most banal of things, a culprit is quickly found: "If you would only buy healthy food and cook better, I wouldn't be overweight." These statements are not only painful to begin with, but they can also confuse the victims until they actually believe in this weird logic.
3. What can the victims do about it?
As with all psychological tactics, the following applies: recognizing the danger is the hardest step. Unfortunately, it often takes a very long time before we realize that we are being made into a scapegoat for everything. If you apologize more often than average, feel uncomfortable addressing many topics and feel like your everyday relationship is akin to dancing on eggshells, you are almost certainly experiencing emotional blackmail. If you feel as though this applies to you, the following specific steps are recommended.
A: Be honest with yourself. Everyone has bad days and says things in the heat of the moment that they later regret. But if this becomes habitual and you find yourself threatened with this or that consequence for every little thing, you are likely dealing with a kind of relationship you surely never wanted. If you've even had to make significant compromises, like ending friendships or giving up on certain hobbies of yours, you’re not in a healthy relationship.
B: Start some kind of diary or bullying journal. This tip is also given to victims of workplace harassment and bullying. The reason: We forget and repress a lot of things that are thrown at us over the course of the day. In the private sphere, unfortunately, we tend to keep rose-colored glasses on even when darkness has long fallen around us. It is best to write such occurrences of emotional blackmail down immediately, while the memory of them is still fresh in our mind. The written word also has a more lasting and stronger effect than any memory.
C: Get help, preferably professional help. When you find yourself in a relationship marked by emotional blackmail, talking to an outsider should be one of your first steps. In such situations, you can often no longer see the forest for the trees. Of course, it would be best to put your case in the hands of trained professionals right away. A professional can also help you to clarify the next, very important point.
D: Decide if there is a serious danger to yourself. Unfortunately, there is often only a fine line between verbal threats and physical violence in relationships. That is to say, if someone uses aggressive words, they may also be capable of aggressive deeds. Be absolutely honest with yourself on this point. Never counter this behavior with empty threats or by announcing consequences. Mentally unstable people who feel pushed into a corner often react unpredictably.
Today's Conclusion
If it hurts, it's not love. As with any form of terror within a relationship, the same applies to emotional blackmail: Love doesn’t work this way. If we are not allowed to be ourselves and constantly have to be on guard against those who are supposed to love and protect us, there is no future together. At least not a happy one. That's it for today. Thank you and see you soon!