7 Factors That Determine If and Who We Fall in Love With.

It would be wonderful to think that true love is waiting for each of us somewhere in the universe. Whether we believe in the idea of soul mates or just want to have a partnership in which we feel loved, safe, and understood, the desire for love lies dormant in each and every one of us. In addition to the false romantic image that Hollywood & Co. tries to sell us, experience within our own family also plays a role in how we shape our love life as adults—or maybe not. In general, seven factors determine whether, how, and with whom we fall in love—and why or why not. We’ll present these to you in this article.

1. Who do I want to be or partner with?

The journey to other people is always first a journey to ourselves. If you don't get along with yourself, or don't get along well with yourself, you're going to have a hard time dealing with others. We are sometimes too critical of ourselves. We recognize mistakes faster and more accurately than our strengths and merits. The much-cited self-love starts with a little indulgence. Nobody is perfect, so we certainly don't have to be. Only when we can accept ourselves as we are, will we be able to convince other people of our own value. A relationship is made up of 2 people, not one who has to do all the work and compensate for all of the other’s shortcomings.

2. Let bygones be bygones.

Bad experiences from childhood and previous relationships often undermine our efforts at looking for a new love. Again and again, we look for partners who repeat the rejecting behavior of our parents or the emotional roller coaster rides of earlier relationships. Such behavior patterns will not disappear until we have learned our lessons. Childhood experiences certainly accompany us throughout our lives. However, such experiences must not hang on our necks like a millstone and prevent us from moving forward. This point is extremely important. If shadows cast by troubles of the past effect our current life too much, professional help might be in order.

3. Love is not the same as a relationship.

We long for love, but find ourselves surrounded by regular friendships and everyday relationships of various types. Of course! The feeling of love is a universal one. We can love people, but also animals, music, or nature. A partnership is a bit like a room, in which love should get a place of honor, but not be the sole inhabitant. A stable and hopeful partnership is just as much about everyday life and coping with it together as it is about sunsets on the beach and planning the future together. Love is not an escape from reality, but must be tied to reality.

4. Make me happy.

In fact, that's exactly what we expect from future partners. He or she should make us happy, preferably around the clock. The problem with this is that no partnership in the world will be able to free people who are naturally unhappy and depressed from their emotional prison. In order to experience a happy relationship, we have to be happy or at least contented people. Only then can we start looking for it. Of course, the whole thing applies the other way around as well. An attempt to make an embittered, disappointed, depressed person happy could prove to be a project doomed to failure from the start. To be happy, you have to want to be happy. Those who want to hold on to anger, pain, or general resentment against humanity will never find love.

5. Deactivate protective shields.

Anyone older than 14 already knows. Love can hurt sometimes. Bad experiences accompany even the most beautiful thing in the world. Nevertheless, it would be wrong to overreact and go through life with suspicion and an overly defensive attitude. A little caution when getting to know potential partners certainly does not hurt. But anyone who meets every new acquaintance from the outset with a protective wall of mistrust and doubt will make it difficult even for the power of love to find a way through the fortress. You have to meet people on a middle ground, with the option to quickly retreat back into your fortress if necessary. You won't fall head over heals into a new love after a certain age anyway. But to expect a crash landing right from the start makes a future together difficult or even impossible to attain.

6. Feelings and more.

One who longs for love and a fulfilling relationship, usually already has unconsciously formed an idea of the role which a partner would be expected to play. Sharing beautiful moments with each other is one thing. To discover common interests and hobbies, to bring 2 families and circles of friends together, a completely different one. But we also hope for a feeling of security in a relationship. Stability and a strong shoulder to lean on are at least as high on the longing scale as love and romance. A relationship consists of so many factors that just thinking about it makes us dizzy. That is a good reason to give up attempts to overanalyze it. Love is not a rational calculation and our expectations can hardly ever be met in real life. Therefore, we should just enjoy the good feeling of getting to know each other and making a new start, and sit back and wait to see what happens.

7. Believe in love.

The most important thing to remember is that if you have stopped believing in love, you will not never find it. This is where the simple but effective law of attraction comes into play, which can simply always be relied upon. On the other hand, if you keep a place open in your heart despite setbacks and disappointments and go through life with an open mind, you will eventually encounter love again. If we don't get the persons we absolutely fancy, here too the clever universe has a master plan for us. We don't get her or him because we deserve someone better. This simple view can also be easily applied to other areas of life. In order to find love you must maintain the idea that it is out there to be found.

Today’s Conclusion

We should give love a chance again and again, even if it does not always result in the stable and secure partnership we desire. After all, the feeling of having found someone with whom we would like to share at least a part of our life is priceless. As we grow older, we are of course also aware of the risks that come with a new partner. Therefore, the rule is: consider failure possible, but don't use it as an excuse not to try at all. After all, only those who give up have really lost a fight. Nevertheless, it will always be the case that the most important relationship of our lives is with ourselves. Here too, whoever overemphasizes the bad above the good, will unfortunately also not be able to experience healing through relationships with others. Love begins within ourselves. Only there can it unfold and be carried out into the world. That's it for today.