Only Immature People Do THIS! And YOU?
Biological age, mental age, and perceived age are three fundamentally different time zones. People develop at different rates. Some are already very mature and stable as children and adolescents. With others, one still has the feeling in their old age that they have been able to retain their childishness in the best possible way. As charming as this prospect is: Having to cope with emotionally immature people in relationships can be a Herculean task. Whether privately or professionally, when one side always has to be the adult and thus sometimes the so-called "bad guy," while the other shirks any responsibility, there is a clear imbalance. This imbalance of power leads to conflicts that are pre-programmed. No one is likely to be intentionally immature. The question we should be asking ourselves is rather how much we want to shape our future with someone who has never outgrown his or her infancy. So in this article, we want to introduce you to signs that you're dealing with an emotionally immature person.
1. Lack of empathy and sensitivity
People who have fallen by the wayside emotionally somewhere between kindergarten and adolescence behave accordingly in difficult situations. Such people have great difficulty admitting a mistake or apologizing sincerely and somewhat formally. They often say things to others bluntly, which long, long ago would have been charmingly greeted with the bon mot "Children's mouths speak the truth", but which, in adults, are simply evidence of bad manners. The emotionally immature among us hardly manage to muster understanding for others. They only know their lives, their needs and their comfort. Everything that restricts them in their comfort is undiscussable and is not questioned for long. The fact that people have motives for their actions occurs to them late or not at all. Adults who emotionally do not live up to their biological age have no sense of life plans that differ from theirs. They are quick to offer sharp criticism instead of briefly considering why their peers behave the way they do. Decisions are made on gut instinct in the eternal kindergarten. Long-term planning or a considered strategy are in short supply.
2. Sandbox manners prevail
The creative behavior of children, which might be nice to see if it's not their own, doesn't work at all in adulthood. The dispute over the yellow shovel or the green bucket, the question of who has the only true competence for the excavator and who has mastered building sand castles, is usually resolved loudly in sandboxes and sometimes entirely non-verbally. It is not uncommon for little ones to give bilateral negotiations no chance at all in favor of a clear declaration of war. Such rude and aggressive behavior becomes problematic when there is no improvement after puberty. Adults who still yell and rage when something doesn't go their way would do well to take a crash course in manners. Rude and undignified behavior, impatience and belittling others are absolute no-goes in the interpersonal sphere. Anyone who cannot behave socially should not expect understanding or the desired result beyond the age of majority.
3. Problems are suppressed and faded out
The eternal children among us are very adept at avoiding possible difficulties and inconveniences wholesale. As childish and immature as their behavior may be, their instinct for impending trouble is just as pronounced. They seem to literally smell it when someone intends to call them to account or to speak plainly to them. If the elephant in the room can no longer be denied, they switch to stubbornness and block any conversation about it. They would prefer to close their eyes and ears so as not to have to deal with unpleasant topics. Unfortunately, this ignorant behavior does not even bring the tiny advantage of being able to lead a carefree life full of ease and lived non-commitment. At some point, the pile of unpaid bills falls on the heads of the eternally pubescent. People who had previously taken care of everything for them say goodbye, never to be seen again. And suddenly, even the most childish minds begin to suspect that they won't be able to cope on their own.
4. Always self-absorbed, never self-critical
Emotionally immature people see themselves as the sun of their universe. The world is their playground and all the people in it are their staff, entertainers, and financiers. Even to make a contribution worthy of the name does not occur to them in their dreams. They are the biggest, the best and the most beautiful and they just always do everything right. The big kids are a little surprised when no one really wants to be friends with them or more. However, they would never think of blaming their own behavior and questioning their view of the world. It's always the others who are to blame. They themselves are always right. Those who lag behind their possibilities in terms of development quickly get a bad reputation. In fact, most people know the difference between a free spirit and a troublemaker, or an individualist and a princess who never found her way home from Wonderland.
5. Impulsive behavior is the order of the day
Keeping our emotions in check is something we should learn as early as possible. The point here is not to suppress emotions, but to develop reasonably socially acceptable behavior. Anyone who has ever witnessed four-year-olds in the midst of their defiant phase at a derailed children's birthday party has no desire to repeat this interesting experience with adults. Defiant behavior, lack of impulse control, and inability to be insightful or tolerant are not good prerequisites for being taken seriously and liked in the adult playground. There is a world of difference between endearing eccentricity and impossible behavior. And even though we live in an age of individualization, in which everyone is allowed to be as he or she wants to be, there are limits and rules of common decency. These apply to all people who want to sit at the table of growing and enjoy all the advantages of this exclusive membership. No one has claimed that there are no disadvantages.
Today’s Conclusion: Forever educated
If you are in a relationship with an emotionally immature person, you should ask yourself sooner rather than later if you really want to be the only adult in your home forever. If you plan to have children with these people, you might as well add one to the list. Support will be as absent as the prospect of improvement. In a professional context, emotionally immature supervisors or co-workers are an evil that is equally difficult to endure. How such people get through life to some extent will remain an eternal mystery to us. But we are not the ones responsible here. We do not have to take on the role of the constantly nagging parents if we do not want to. An eternal child does not need a partnership and professional interaction on equal footing. What is needed here are people who are nanny or governess and angel patience all in one. If you don't feel addressed, you'd better keep looking for playmates who correspond to your age group. That's it for today.