WHY Unloved Children Suffer Their Entire Lives!
Childhood as a gauntlet. In the parenting lottery, you can be lucky or unlucky. Most approaches to education lie somewhere in the middle between trial and error. Some parents make an effort, but only know the scheme they themselves were brought up with a generation earlier. Still others want to compensate for their own bad childhood by giving their children all the freedoms they didn't have themselves. Some parents are simply unfit to raise children. Unfortunately, there is no test for this in advance or the possibility to withdraw from this contract once the child is born. Unloved children, perceived mainly as troublemakers, suffer throughout their lives. The following seven signs we present to you in this article indicate that your parents were or are clearly overwhelmed with the parenting project.
1. They think you're exaggerating
A universally popular way to make someone’s arguments fall flat is to call them out as a drama queen who’s overreacting. This is the first way to take the substance out of any conversation and stamp your interlocutor as a snowflake and over-sensitive. Nobody likes that. The consequence of this subtle refusal to talk is that discussions will be limited in the future. After all, no one likes to fight a losing battle.
2. They patronize you
As comfortable as it can be to have decisions taken away from you, you should be allowed to make the really important ones for yourself. Sometimes this paternalism may be well-intentioned, but it’s often the opposite of good. Most of the time parents pursue their own agenda. It's about prestige and status and very often about other people's opinions. Well, unfortunately not yours. When you're presented with a decision that’s already been made over and over again, your parents, unfortunately, are not concerned with you.
3. They look to blame you
Our parents are supposed to be our safe haven, our refuge and our unshakable support. If that's the opposite with you, they haven't understood your role. No matter what happens, it's always your fault? An argument is pointless and they don't let you finish, nor explain? In this case, you don't have to stay trapped forever. They will never change your view of things. Only you can change your view of life and your role in it.
4. They don’t take your problems seriously
Your fears and needs go unheard? Unfortunately, this often happens when parents inwardly distance themselves from their intended role. Those who can't or won't make their children their top priority won't listen to their concerns. They are more likely to hire other people to solve this issue for them.
5. They don't listen to you
It may be true that some children's mouths never rest once they’ve learned to speak. Putting on the occasional invisible ear muffs protects the parental ear canal and, more importantly, the nervous system from overexertion. It's a different story, however, when nothing you say gets through to them. You are either fobbed off with generalities or referred to others, no positive or negative message finds a place in their consciousness, while, infuriatingly, other people do count. This experience is painful and should not be expected of any child. Even as an adult, it is something that is not easy to understand and certainly not to forgive. The situation can become all the more difficult for you when toxic parents grow old and need you. The tables of responsibility then suddenly turn, you are now expected to be the adult.
6. They refuse to have an honest conversation
Even if you realize in time that your parent-child relationship is not going as it should, you alone will not be able to sort out the issue. Parents who refuse to accept their role, unfortunately, also refuse any sense of reality and even more so any conversation that could somehow become uncomfortable for them. Unfortunately, most parents pull this ostrich tactic through to old age. Very few of them take the opportunity to at least give their children an explanation for their dismissive behavior. Such family ties usually remain a mess, leaving many unanswered questions and hurt feelings even after the parents' death. Nevertheless, if the rare gift of remorse comes to you, try not to judge them; it's probably hard enough for them to talk to you about their failure. Show them that you have more greatness than they ever had, and accept the explanation or apology without being judgmental.
7. They don't believe you
By far the worst for children, and one that can have far-reaching consequences to boot: When your own parents can't show they trust you, many children and teens are left to fend for themselves. The danger of falling into bad company is enormous. Parents who do not take their children seriously and are not interested in what drives, frightens or delights them open the door to false friends. The child's soul does not yet know whom it can trust without hesitation. If there are no other family members or guardians to stand in for the absent parents, growing up becomes a lottery game. Children are wards, and at the very least, parents should honor that obligation. Once the damage is done, it will be difficult for everyone involved to return to the ease that should characterize childhood.
Today’s Conclusion:
Parents are only human, and as such, they are not immune to mistakes and bad decisions. However, it makes a difference, of course, if they do their best and fail, or if they didn't even try. Many children of parents who tolerated them at most struggle throughout their lives to find their place in society. Moreover, their relationship with their mother or father will be burdened for life by an entire childhood that could never be openly addressed. Unfortunately, there is no patent solution for people who have grown up emotionally neglected. But if you recognize yourself here, you have two options to still make something good out of your less-than-perfect childhood. First, you can do better by creating your own family, always remembering what you missed most as a child. Then, if you manage to draw some meaningful boundaries, you'll be able to make up for what you once lacked. It might come a little late, but still with a happy family life. Keep it real and don't expect a storybook idyll. As little as you can claim restitution for a lousy childhood, happy kids don't have to be grateful for a good one. Second, be sure to share your experiences with other people. Many adults wander through life never really knowing why they can't come to terms with so much of their past and can't gain any ground in the present. Your experiences and your observations can be very helpful to other people who have experienced similar things but cannot yet see the connections. This will also do you good. As we all know, a sorrow shared is always a sorrow halved. That's it for today.