Lifelong Effects of a Lost Childhood!

When children are the adults in the scenario. A stolen childhood can have many causes. It’s not uncommon for parents to become ill, struggle with mental health problems, or for some other reason be unable to face up to their role as guardians and their responsibilities. For children, this reversal of roles not only means that they have to grow up faster than others, but they also miss out on important stages of life that should be characterized by lightheartedness and fun. Being able to devote themselves whole-heartedly to playing with their peers is a luxury they have never known, and one that is difficult to make up for in later years. The following five signs presented in this article clearly indicate that you've been robbed of your childhood.

1. You often had to play the mediator

Unfortunately, this role is quite often imposed on children whose parents are always clashing, either with each other, with grandparents or other responsible parties. The child is used as capital in the balance to represent the adults’ own interests in the best possible way. When parents are constantly fighting each other, it is not uncommon for their offspring to be used as a pawn in the game. When the situation escalates, the children often have to play the mediators between the battling fronts. Needless to say, a child would be overburdened by the quarrels and discord, in themselves. If a child then also has to play referee and smooth the waters between adults, chronic overtaxing, stress and despair are the order of the day. Even harmonious separations, if they exist, gnaw at a child's soul for a long time. A marital horror without end may traumatize a child for the rest of his or her life.

2. You have often been told how grown-up and responsible you are

Every child likes to hear praise. But if they have to stay home from the swimming pool, never invite friends over to play and have to manage the household after school instead of enjoying their free time, this praise can feel like poor recompense. Most children would do anything for their parents, anyway, without being forced to miss out on the fun. Praising them for being so grown-up and responsible may be an incentive. In the long run, however, it is nothing more than clever manipulation of the child so that the adult parties can continue to relinquish responsibility as much as possible. No child should have to be an adult. A compliment for this is no compensation for lost childhood days.

3. You quickly learned to hide your own feelings

If you always have to be strong for others from an early age, you learn very soon not to afford weaknesses and not to show feelings. Children who have to fill the role of adults eventually take on this very specific quality. It testifies to the height of the child’s responsibility, but also reflects a great void where cheerfulness and unbridled joy should actually be. Unfortunately, there is no room for childlike emotions in their world. Reasons for joy are probably rare. Fear and sadness are skilfully concealed so as not to worry the parents unnecessarily and endanger the already fragile stability of the family. The child quickly learns that adult behavior is rewarded and behaves accordingly.

4. Today you still find it difficult to deal with emotions

Here lurks the logical consequence of the previous point: If you were unable to learn a healthy and free way of dealing with your emotions as a child, you will find it extremely difficult to do so as an adult. Psychology refers to this as emotional dysregulation. What is meant by this is nothing other than the impaired ability to manage emotional reactions. The result can be fits of rage, episodes full of inexplicable sadness or phases marked by embarrassment, shame and despair. Those who constantly have to be adults as children also have the impression later in life that they must continue to keep worries and problems to themselves. The constant denial of one's own feelings sooner or later leads to a real inability to react appropriately to emotions. At some point, this can severely impair the mental, as well as physical, well-being of these people. To make matters worse, there is a certain degree of helplessness when it comes to starting a family of one's own at some point. On the one hand, one does not want to repeat the mistakes of one's parents, and on the other hand, one has never learned how an intact family functions. Unfortunately, excessive demands are inevitable here as well. Disappointment spreads when the desire to catch up on one's own missed childhood is not founded by solid childhood experience. The idea of a picture-book family may have manifested itself at some point, but will rarely come true in reality.

5. Looking back, you were always more mature than your parents

The particular tragedy in this reversal of parental and child roles are sensitive and empathetic children, who are especially vulnerable to being abused as a so-called “child adult.” They find it particularly easy to recognize the distress of others and the need for action, which can be a good thing. On the other hand, of course, they also find it much more difficult to distance themselves or to say no once in a while. They define their value very strongly by how well they succeed in helping their parents in taking care of everything and keeping the family going. Unfortunately, this dynamic never stops. If now as an adult you still feel like the guardian of your parents, then the reasons for this lie very far back in your personal history. Simply letting go and withdrawing from this responsibility is something the fewest people succeed in doing. A kind of co-dependency has long been established that is not so easy to shake off. Besides, most of the time there is no one else to stand in for you. If it was always you that everyone else could rely on – you've unfortunately been given a life's work.

Today’s Conclusion

You can't quit the family. The tragedy of a stolen childhood has many sides: On the one hand, it can never be made up for. If you were never allowed to simply be a child, you are missing an important milestone in life. The resulting deficits, however, unfortunately also extend into the whole of later life. The difficulty of dealing with emotions properly or even admitting them is only one of them. People without carefree childhood days will never get away from their parents, even if in some cases this would be the only way to heal. The relationship between children and parents in particular can remain difficult and tangled for life, especially if the roles were reversed at some point. But it is never too late to get help. It can be enough to talk to fellow sufferers and share your experiences. Seeing things a little more clearly can already be enormously helpful. But people who may not yet have found a definition for what is wrong with their life and their family relationship can also benefit from delving into their own experience. You can't give notice to the family you’re quitting, but you can renegotiate the terms. As a child, you were helpless and without backup; as an adult, on the other hand, you have many opportunities to free yourself, at least to some extent, from the huge mountain of responsibility that has been heaped upon you at one time or another. Life is a journey. A course correction is possible at any time. That's it for today.