HOW To Forgive SOMEONE Who Hurt YOU!

Forgetting is good, forgiveness is better. It happens again and again in this life that people hurt us, whether consciously or unconsciously, inflicting injuries that range from minor scratches on our ego to deep wounds that cannot be quickly healed in our hearts. All major world religions preach forgiveness as the path to happiness, enlightenment and eternal life, but in practice this is much easier said than done. Some hurts weigh far too heavily on us for us to simply put them to rest. Very few of us possess that much inner greatness. But the fact is: forgiveness is still a worthy goal, even the key to a life without the shadows that incidents from the past cast upon us. Forgiveness allows for a true fresh start and lets us heal in the truest sense of the word. So taking a look at ways to forgive people for their wrongs against us is well worth it. We present these to you in this article. 

1. Forgiveness doesn't mean it was okay

Perhaps the most problematic of all biblical passages is the one in which Jesus asks people to turn the other cheek. This view is diametrically opposed to our sense of justice. Besides, who likes to make himself look foolish before others? But if you think through this parable further, in the end it is not the patient one who is the fool, it is the one whose blows come to nothing. It is the same with forgiveness. Forgiving the people who once did us wrong does not mean condoning their actions. It means that they no longer have any power over us. Forgiveness is like a kind of invisible Teflon; it ensures that the shame we once suffered bounces off us and can no longer affect us.

2. How do you feel now?

The next important step on the road to forgiveness is your feelings. If it's been a while since the injustice you suffered, maybe they've stabilized a bit in the meantime, and you can now look at things with a little emotional distance. Are you simply disappointed? Has your pride been hurt? Did someone perhaps hit your sore spot? Do you still like to bathe in self-pity? Are you still angry? All of these feelings are important and want to be acknowledged. Take the time to do that, no matter how long it takes. Only when you can look back and be at peace with yourself and the world is it the right time for forgiveness. Letting go follows afterwards.

3. What role(s) does the person play in your life?

Naturally, the closer the bond we have or had with those people who have hurt us, the harder it is for us to deal with it. Any family or partner relationships that have proven difficult for us weigh doubly heavily. Friendships can also leave deep wounds, since they are the family we have chosen. Bullying at work can have fatal consequences for your professional future or at least make it difficult to start over. Consider what role your adversaries still play in your life today. Is there still any contact at all? And if so, wouldn't it be easier for you to forgive and forget? This question leads us seamlessly to the next point.

4. Set boundaries

Some people have to be let go in order to pave the way for a smooth relationship in the future. When dealing with emotional wounds, setting boundaries is an important point that sometimes determines the success or failure of the mission of forgiveness. You don't have to go so far as to cut the person out of your life forever. People close to us can remain that way despite wrongdoing. But communicate clearly that their behavior toward you was not okay, that it hurt you, and that you don't want something like that to happen again. Even if your words go unheard: It's a crucial step for you to have spoken them.

5. Forgiveness also starts in small steps

Try to stop making minor inconveniences of everyday life important. Simply ignoring annoyances, incidents or stupid words can be a good exercise in eventually forgiving more serious offenses. It’s important to keep in mind that any unnecessary annoyance is detrimental to your physical and mental health, and is not a risk you should take lightly. If you succeed in forgiving small things, the bigger ones will eventually follow.

6. Try to see the story from another point of view.

As we all know, there are two sides to everything, and the interpersonal sphere is even more multi-dimensional. Try to look at those scenes from the past in which you were wronged and bad things were done to you from a different perspective. Put yourself in the role of the observer. Our brain tends to keep the negative aspects much more present than the positive or neutral ones. By trying to disentangle what happened a bit, you may be able to better understand in retrospect why things happened the way they did. Perhaps the person who hurt you was going through a personal crisis? Maybe the circumstances of your meeting were not ideal, but perhaps there were motives for her or his actions that you were not aware of at the time, and did these events perhaps have their good side? What turns for the better did your life take as a result? How much did you grow from these incidents, and were you able to move forward? Was it really, really all bad?

7. You are the author of your life.

This point follows on seamlessly from the previous one. If you manage to look at things with a bit of distance and somewhat neutrally, you will be able to see something positive in every negative experience. Inquire quietly about the directions your ex-partner, former employers, friends or other companions have gone since they hurt you. From today's perspective, was it perhaps their loss that they shook you up and revealed their true selves to you? When you tell this story, don't make yourself the victim, rewrite it and become the heroine or hero in it. Stop spreading the version of bullying, instead explain that it was simply time for you to strive for higher and better. In the environment you were in, unfortunately, further development just wasn’t possible. In the case of a breakup, it’s always been the wiser one who gives way and realizes that this boat is not heading for a safe port. You have acted with foresight and prudence. Go ahead and let the others be the victim.

Today’s Conclusion

What if forgiveness doesn't work? You cannot be forced to forgive people who have done you harm. While it’s true that life is much better with a tidy soul and a present without long shadows from the past, but sometimes there’s no way around it. Whatever works for you is exactly right for you. That's it for today.