WARNING! Mind Games That Will Secretly Destroy You!
Mind games, emotional blackmail, passive aggressive behavior, and any form of manipulation spells doom for any healthy and happy relationship. Using violence or intimidation to manipulate someone to do something against their will is abuse, and should not be tolerated. If you acquiesce to the spiral of manipulation, you will be sucked into an increasingly worse situation. And if you submit, you will find yourself trapped, with no way to return to your prior status of independence. You have to set boundaries, make your claims, assert your sovereignty, or you will be forever stuck in mind games which leave you in an increasingly worse situation relative to your partner. There are many variations of these mind games, and hardly any limits to what they may involve. Nevertheless, three stand out as most common. We’ll introduce them to you in this article.
1. Doormat and Whipping Boy.
You can't do anything right. People with little to commend themselves, often feel the need to to put down others in order to make their own sorry condition seem elevated by comparison. Suffering endless criticism is a good sign that you are dealing with a genuine, toxic partner. Such abuse can come from partners of either sex. From them, constant nagging is the order of the day. No matter how hard you try, nothing seems to be good enough for your overly critical partner. Even should you take all the criticisms to heart and do everything exactly as desired by your partner, this approach will not work out. The abusive type simply cannot acknowledge anything positive about the object of their abuse. Such people always find ways and means to justify putting others down. The special tragedy behind this mind game is that the harder you try to remedy your “deficiencies,” the more your efforts will engender further attack. There is no way to win this mind war, or even have a truce declared. What can you do? The sooner you realize that this is a no-win situation, the better. You will never be good enough, beautiful enough, or smart enough for your significant other. You could bend over backwards, give up your personality beyond all recognition, and still never gain acceptance and approval. If you really care about this relationship, you must first realize that the personal attacks upon you are not really about you, or caused by you. The problem lies in the mind of the abuser. The abuser lashes out at you in order to cover up, or compensate for his (her) own shortcomings. Deep down, they are not happy with themselves and would like to be different. However, since it is difficult and exhausting to overcome one's own deficiencies, and to work on self-improvement, they prefer to pick on others’ imperfections. The second possible cause of abuse may be even more tragic and cause you even more pain. You may be constantly criticized because you are not the first choice of your partner. You're not really the person your significant other would like to be with. Maybe you were in the right place at the right time and merely filled in as a substitute. Some people just can't stand being alone and would rather take the person at hand, rather than wait for the unreachable ideal, or perfect match. Perhaps you are really just a convenient stand-in for an unreachable ideal. On the other hand, you can’t really be in love with someone who spends every minute of the day belittling you.
2. Gaslighting
The self-absorbed narcissist presents a fake image to the world, but his (her) true character cannot really be hidden. Abusive manipulations designed to make you doubt your own sanity are particularly destructive (but also difficult to hide in the long term). Narcissists are masters at always appearing in their best light in public, but then show a completely different face at home. They maneuver us like chess pieces, manipulate our memories, and even go so far as to hide objects to make us question our sanity. They cast us in the role of a naïve child in dire need of protection from himself. Gradual isolation from the outside world is part of this perfidious system to gradually bring a victim to the brink of a nervous breakdown. What can you do? Before you start seriously doubting your sanity, you'd better seriously doubt any such relationship. Talk about it with outsiders you can really trust. If someone wants to tell you that you're crazy and can't lead an independent life, clearly that someone else is a case for the psychiatrist. Unfortunately, it takes time for the true face of the narcissist to become apparent. Narcissists are virtuosos at surrounding their mind games with secrecy and deception. The only thing to do in this situation is run away as fast as possible!
3. The Universal Scapegoat—“It’s All Your Fault”
If one part of a partnership is always right and the other always takes the blame, then such a relationship cannot be a good relationship. Many people, including adults, lack the maturity to take responsibility for their actions and bear the consequences of bad decisions. Such people always need a willing scapegoat on whom to pin the blame for every trouble. And they easily spin webs of lies and abstruse deceits in order to pull their chestnuts out of the fire as quickly as possible. The absurdity of their attempts to attribute every problem to their partner are so outrageous as to cause normal people to blush. Such people have neither shame nor conscience. What can you do? First you must ask yourself, “How much am I suffering from this relationship?” Have you long since seen through this childish power game, maintained your sense of humor, and laughingly accepted a part in the game? Or has life at the side of an eternal toddler long since become unbearable for you? You must be clear about one point: you can never change such a person. Talking to such a child about the process of becoming a responsible adult is just water off a duck’s back. It’s up to you to decide whether you choose to continue to live this way, or whether you’d prefer to look for someone who operates on your level.
Today’s Conclusion:
Love him or leave him? Love her or leave her? Unfortunately, all of the three psychologies we have described today are widespread, and in one form or another we have all encountered them at some point. Unfortunately, it takes time to discover the real character and personality of a person. And romantic delusions may blind our reason for quite a long time. The truth is that none of the three personality types we have described today will heal themselves. And even if such personalities were willing to undergo therapy, that would not cure the problem. The flawless self-image of these manipulators makes them unable to self-reflect and forces recreation of the same personality problem again and again.