12 Tactics Narcissists Use to Gain Power and Control
How They Manipulate and Dominate
Understanding the behavior of narcissists is crucial for anyone who may encounter such individuals in their personal or professional life. Narcissists often employ specific tactics to manipulate and control those around them. Recognizing these tactics can empower individuals to protect themselves and maintain their well-being.
By examining these strategies, readers can become more aware of the subtle and overt ways narcissists exert influence. This awareness is the first step in effectively handling interactions with narcissists, minimizing their negative impact.
1) Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic often employed by individuals with narcissistic traits to gain control over their victims. They distort reality, making the victim doubt their own perceptions and memories. This can lead to confusion and self-doubt.
A gaslighting narcissist can subtly twist facts or deny events that occurred, making the victim question their reality. Over time, this erodes the victim’s confidence. Victims may start relying on the abuser for their sense of reality.
This form of manipulation is insidious and can deeply affect the victim's mental health. It is a strategy used to maintain power and control within personal relationships. By consistently undermining the victim's sense of self, the narcissist increases their dominance.
To cope with gaslighting, it is essential for victims to seek support. This can include therapy, talking with trusted friends, or finding resources online. Understanding the tactics used can help victims regain their sense of reality and start the healing process.
Gaslighting is not always easy to recognize, especially if the victim has been subject to it for an extended period. Awareness and education are key in identifying and combating this form of emotional abuse.
2) Love Bombing
Love bombing is a tactic used by narcissists to gain immediate and intense emotional control over their targets. It involves showering the victim with excessive affection, compliments, and gifts, creating a sense of overwhelming adoration.
This tactic makes the target feel special and desired, drawing them in quickly. The narcissist's goal is to build a fast, deep emotional bond.
As the target becomes emotionally attached, the narcissist can then manipulate and control their actions and decisions. This initial phase is often characterized by grand gestures and constant communication.
Once the target is hooked, the narcissist may begin to withdraw the affection, creating confusion and dependency. This cycle can lead to emotional turmoil for the victim.
Love bombing can make it difficult for the victim to recognize the manipulative intent behind the affection. The overwhelming positive reinforcement creates a strong emotional dependency.
Individuals who are aware of love bombing can better protect themselves from falling into a cycle of manipulation and control. Recognizing the signs early on is crucial.
Understanding that genuine relationships develop over time can help differentiate between real affection and manipulative tactics. Awareness and education are key to preventing emotional exploitation through love bombing.
3) Triangulation
Triangulation involves a narcissist bringing a third party into their relationship dynamics to maintain control. This tactic creates conflict or rivalry, positioning the narcissist as the focal point.
Narcissists often use triangulation to manipulate emotions and maintain power over others. By involving a third person, they divert attention and sow discord.
This technique can make the targeted individual feel isolated or compete for the narcissist's approval. It serves to enhance the narcissist's sense of superiority and control.
For instance, a narcissist might tell their partner that another person admires them, leading to jealousy. This maneuver increases the narcissist's influence over both individuals. Triangulation can severely impact relationships, causing emotional distress and confusion among those involved. It is a common strategy used by narcissists to exert and maintain power (Psych Central).
4) Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a common tactic used by narcissists to assert dominance and control over others. By withdrawing communication, they aim to create uncertainty and discomfort, forcing the other person to seek reconciliation at any cost.
Narcissists often use the silent treatment as a form of punishment. When someone fails to meet their expectations or challenges their authority, they might stop communicating altogether. This can leave the other person feeling isolated and anxious.
This behavior is not just about ignoring someone; it’s a strategic move to manipulate emotions. By refusing to speak, the narcissist signals disapproval and gains the upper hand. It’s an effective way to make the other person feel unimportant and undervalued.
Prolonged silent treatment can significantly impact emotional well-being. It can lead to feelings of rejection, confusion, and self-doubt. Understanding this tactic is crucial for those entangled in narcissistic relationships.
The duration of the silent treatment varies. Sometimes it lasts a few hours; other times, it can extend for days or even weeks. The goal remains the same: controlling the other person’s behavior by withholding communication.
For more detailed information, you might find this article and this guide helpful in understanding and dealing with the silent treatment.
5) Projection
Projection is a common tactic used by narcissists to shift blame and responsibility onto others. By accusing others of behaviors or feelings that they themselves exhibit, narcissists deflect attention away from their own shortcomings.
For example, a narcissist may accuse someone else of lying or being manipulative, even when they are the ones engaging in such actions.
This technique not only confuses the victim but also makes them question their own behavior and intentions. It creates a diversion, making it harder for the victim to identify the narcissist's true nature.
Projection can also cause victims to feel guilty or ashamed, as they might start to internalize the false accusations. This emotional turmoil further weakens the victim’s ability to stand up against the narcissist’s control.
By consistently projecting their negative traits onto others, narcissists maintain their self-image of perfection. They avoid facing their own flaws and continue to manipulate those around them for their own gain. This method is highly effective in maintaining dominance and control in relationships.
Narcissists rely on projection to ensure that they remain in a position of power, often leaving victims in a state of confusion and self-doubt. This tactic is one of many used to manipulate and dominate others while preserving their own self-centered worldview.
6) Blame Shifting
Blame shifting is a tactic where narcissists deflect responsibility for their actions onto others. This helps them avoid accountability and maintain control over the narrative.
In relationships, narcissists use blame shifting to exploit power imbalances. For instance, in a parent-child relationship, it's easier for them to manipulate perceptions due to their authority.
Among adults, this tactic involves more subtlety. By twisting facts, narcissists can make their victims question their own reality. This is similar to gaslighting, where the victim starts doubting their own perceptions and memories.
Narcissists use this tactic to preserve their self-image. When confronted, they may accuse others of the very faults they possess, confusing and destabilizing their opponents. This is crafted to ensure they remain in a position of power.
Blame shifting can also manifest in public settings. Narcissists might publicly blame someone else to avoid appearing weak or flawed. This allows them to project an image of strength and competence.
This manipulative behavior can deeply affect victims, often leading to self-doubt and a skewed sense of reality. Understanding this tactic is crucial in recognizing and addressing narcissistic manipulation. More about this can be explored in Narcissists, Controllers, and the Art of Blame-Shifting.
7) Isolation
Narcissists often use isolation to gain control over their victims. By separating individuals from their support networks, they diminish external influences and consolidate their power.
One method narcissists use is smear campaigns. They spread false information and rumors about their targets, causing friends and family to distance themselves. This tactic leaves victims feeling isolated and unsupported. More on this can be found here.
Additionally, narcissists may create conflicts between the victim and their loved ones. By sowing seeds of doubt and mistrust, they can effectively cut off essential emotional support systems. This makes the victim more dependent on the narcissist for validation and companionship.
Narcissists also limit their victim's access to social activities and gatherings. They may express jealousy or fabricate emergencies to prevent the victim from attending events where they could receive support. Such tactics ensure the victim remains confined to the narcissist's sphere of influence.
Isolation is a powerful tool for narcissists as it erodes the victim's sense of autonomy and self-worth. By systematically removing sources of external validation and support, narcissists can enhance their control and dominance over their targets.
8) Future Faking
Future faking is a manipulation tactic commonly used by narcissists. It involves making grand promises about the future to get what they want in the present. These promises are often extravagant and unrealistic, designed to create a sense of hope and anticipation.
Narcissists may leverage your dreams and goals to craft these fake future scenarios. They lure you in with promises such as future financial security, marriage, or career advancements. Their primary goal is to keep you engaged and compliant now.
This tactic relies heavily on emotional manipulation. The narcissist's promises can create a powerful emotional bond, making it difficult to see through the deception. Victims often find themselves waiting for a future that never comes, constantly strung along by the narcissist.
Many find it challenging to identify future faking. It can feel incredibly validating and exciting, making it hard to question its authenticity. Narcissists are skilled at presenting these promises convincingly, which adds to the difficulty of recognizing the manipulation.
It's crucial to remain aware of this tactic and its impact. Recognizing the signs of future faking can be the first step towards breaking free from a narcissist's control. For further information on future faking in narcissistic relationships, you can read how narcissists use future faking to manipulate and deceive.
9) Hoovering
Hoovering is a tactic often used by narcissists to regain control over their victims. Named after the vacuum brand, it involves drawing the person back into the narcissist’s life.
Narcissists might use emotional appeals and manipulation to achieve this. They could claim they have changed or act extremely supportive to win back trust.
Another common method is exploiting key dates and events. They may reach out on birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays to seem caring and concerned.
Often, hoovering involves feigned crises or urgent situations. By creating a sense of emergency, narcissists manipulate their victims into offering assistance or emotional support.
Baiting tactics are also prevalent in hoovering. Narcissists might make subtle remarks to provoke a reaction, then use the response to reel the person back in.
They may attempt to evoke guilt or sympathy. By playing the victim themselves, they create a narrative that convinces the other person to re-engage.
In essence, hoovering is about re-establishing contact and control. Despite appearing benign or even supportive, the underlying motive is the narcissist’s need for attention and dominance.
Understanding these tactics can help individuals recognize and resist the manipulative behaviors of narcissists. For further details, visit Simply Psychology.
10) Flying Monkeys
Narcissists often employ individuals known as "flying monkeys" to do their bidding and maintain control. These individuals support and enable the narcissist's behavior, often spreading lies and engaging in character assassination.
Flying monkeys may act out of loyalty, fear, or the desire for personal gain. They might hope to receive rewards, promotions, or simply approval from the narcissist.
One reason people become flying monkeys is their anxiety or need to be seen as helpful. They might fear retribution or punishment if they don't comply.
Narcissists rely on flying monkeys to perpetuate abuse and maintain a façade of power. These individuals help in controlling victims and reinforcing the narcissist's manipulative tactics. Their actions bolster the narcissist's influence and create a network of control. This enables the narcissist to avoid direct confrontation.
Flying monkeys are pivotal to the narcissist's strategy, as they help in spreading misinformation and maintaining the narcissist's image of authority. For more details on the manipulative tactics involved, visit Flying Monkeys Narcissism.
Flying monkeys can also derive their actions from the hope of overtaking the narcissist or benefiting financially. They play a crucial role in the dynamic of narcissistic abuse, often performing tasks the narcissist cannot do openly.
11) Smear Campaigns
Narcissists often engage in smear campaigns to tarnish someone's reputation, credibility, and character. This tactic is a deliberate and calculated effort. By spreading false information and gossip, they seek to control the narrative about their target.
These smear campaigns utilize lies and distortions. They aim to instill doubt and mistrust around the target. The goal is to isolate the person socially and emotionally.
When facing a smear campaign, maintaining clear documentation of interactions can help. Evidence can refute false claims and support the truth. This proactive step is crucial for protecting oneself.
Narcissists exploit fear and manipulation in their smear campaigns. By creating a sense of fear, they maintain a degree of control. This helps to reinforce their own power and influence over the target.
Understanding the nature of smear campaigns can aid in mitigating their impact. Knowing what to expect and how to respond plays a key role. It's essential to approach the situation with a clear mind and effective strategies. For more information, refer to the Simply Psychology article on narcissistic smear campaigns.
12) Withholding Affection
Narcissists often use withholding affection as a powerful tool to gain control over their partners. Initially, they may shower their partner with love and attention, creating a deep emotional bond.
Once this bond is established, the narcissist begins to withdraw affection. This sudden shift leaves the partner confused and desperate to regain the initial level of intimacy.
Withholding affection can involve avoiding physical touch, refusing to express love, or becoming emotionally distant. The goal is to make the partner feel insecure and dependent on the narcissist's approval.
This tactic is designed to keep the partner constantly striving for the narcissist's affection. By creating an unpredictable environment, the narcissist maintains a position of power and control in the relationship.
Victims of this behavior often feel emotionally abandoned and may begin to question their own worth. It can lead to significant emotional distress and a sense of powerlessness. They may also experience isolation, as the narcissist's behavior often extends to limiting their social interactions.
For more insights on how narcissists use affection to control their partners, visit Psychology Today.
Psychological Manipulation Techniques
Narcissists frequently resort to psychological manipulation techniques to maintain power and control over others. These tactics often undermine the victim's perception of reality, isolate them from support, and shift the blame for the narcissist's actions.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a pervasive form of psychological abuse aimed at making the victim question their sanity. The narcissist will consistently deny the occurrence of specific events, dismiss the victim's feelings, and distort the truth. This tactic can involve phrases like, "That never happened," or, "You're too sensitive," causing the victim to doubt their memory and judgment.
Over time, the victim may become increasingly dependent on the narcissist for validation, losing confidence in their own perceptions. Gaslighting can erode self-esteem and trust in one's own mental faculties, making it a powerful tool for control.
Triangulation
Triangulation involves the narcissist bringing a third party into a conflict or relationship to create competition and jealousy. This tactic includes comparing the victim unfavorably to the third party or relaying false information between them. The goal is to manipulate the victim's emotions, fostering insecurity and division.
By pitting people against each other, the narcissist maintains control and diverts attention from their own actions. Victims might feel increasingly isolated and dependent on the narcissist for approval, as their other relationships are sabotaged or strained.
Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism where the narcissist attributes their own unacceptable traits or behaviors to others. For example, a narcissist who is unfaithful might accuse their partner of infidelity. This tactic diverts attention from the narcissist's flaws and places the blame on the victim.
Projection can be confusing and disorienting for the victim, who may start to internalize the negative traits attributed to them. It also serves to shift responsibility away from the narcissist, safeguarding their self-image and asserting dominance over the victim.
Emotional and Social Control
Narcissists use a variety of tactics to manipulate emotions and social relationships, aiming to maintain dominance and control over their victims.
Isolation Strategies
Narcissists often isolate their victims to gain psychological dominance. They meticulously create barriers between their victims and the outside world. This can involve cutting off friends and family, moving to new locations, or even creating rifts in existing relationships.
Isolation helps to weaken the victim's support network, making them more dependent on the narcissist. It also enables the narcissist to distort reality, as there are fewer external perspectives to challenge the narcissist's narrative.
Methods of Isolation:
Limiting Social Interactions: Preventing the victim from attending social events.
Controlling Communication: Monitoring or restricting phone calls, texts, and emails.
Creating Conflict: Intentionally causing disputes between the victim and their loved ones to sever those ties.
These strategies foster an environment where the victim feels that the narcissist is their only source of emotional support and reality validation.
Love Bombing and Devaluation
Narcissists employ a cyclical pattern of love bombing followed by devaluation to emotionally control their victims. Initially, they overwhelm the victim with excessive praise, attention, and affection—known as love bombing. This creates a strong emotional bond and dependency.
Once dependency is established, the narcissist shifts to devaluation. They criticize, belittle, and demean their victim, instilling self-doubt and confusion. This stark contrast between idealization and devaluation keeps the victim off balance and perpetually seeking the narcissist's approval.
Phases of Love Bombing and Devaluation:
Love Bombing: Lavish gifts, constant flattery, and undivided attention.
Devaluation: Insults, blame, and emotional neglect.
This cycle erodes the victim's self-esteem, making them more controllable and less likely to leave the abusive relationship. By consistently switching between affection and cruelty, narcissists maintain control and keep their victims emotionally tethered.
Maintaining Power Dynamics
Narcissists often secure their control through financial manipulation, playing on empathy and guilt, and employing threats and intimidation tactics. These methods create an environment where their authority remains unchallenged.
Exerting Financial Control
Narcissists often control finances to limit the independence of others. By controlling the money, they dictate what others can do, buy, or enjoy, effectively trapping them. This can include controlling a partner’s bank account, limiting access to money, or monitoring expenses closely.
They may also use money as a reward or punishment. A narcissist might buy gifts to gain favor when things go well or withhold financial support during conflicts. This tactic ensures that others remain dependent on them for financial stability.
Moreover, they may alienate the victim from their financial resources, discouraging them from working or advancing their careers. This dependency strengthens the narcissist’s position and diminishes any threat to their control.
Exploiting Empathy and Guilt
Narcissists exploit empathy and guilt to maintain their dominance. They often play the victim, presenting themselves as misunderstood or mistreated to garner sympathy. This manipulative behavior makes it difficult for others to resist their demands or argue against them.
They can also bring up past mistakes or use guilt-inducing comments like “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” Such tactics make their victims feel indebted or responsible for the narcissist’s wellbeing. This sense of duty keeps people tethered to them, even when it’s against their interests.
Additionally, narcissists may fabricate scenarios where they are the hero, further manipulating their victims to feel appreciation or gratitude. This emotional manipulation creates a cycle where the victim continually seeks to please the narcissist, reinforcing their control.
Threats and Intimidation Tactics
Threats and intimidation are common tools used by narcissists to instill fear and compliance. These can range from subtle suggestions of harm to outright aggressive threats. The goal is to create a sense of fear and helplessness in their targets.
They might threaten to leave, suggesting that the victim will be alone and unsupported. Alternatively, they might threaten to disclose personal information or harm the victim’s reputation. This fear of loss and embarrassment keeps the victim compliant.
Physical intimidation can also play a role. Even without actual violence, the mere presence of physical aggression or the threat of it can be enough to keep someone in line. This overwhelming sense of danger ensures that the narcissist’s authority remains unchallenged.
