Why It’s So Unbelievably Difficult To Find True Love!

True love sounds like a promise that is only ever fulfilled for others, if at all. Or it takes place in the cinema or in great works of music and world literature. We know little about true love, but we would recognize it anytime, anywhere. Also very widespread is the theory that the search for it is futile. True love does not want to be found, it finds us. Nice idea, but how can we accelerate our heart's desire? The following twelve reasons might be to blame for why it's so hard to encounter true love.

1. Quick happiness substitutes for satisfaction.

Never before in our lives has it been easier to get a quick happiness fix. We don't even have to leave the house or get off the couch to do it. We can shop online, gamble, talk to half the world, order the most delicious food to our doorstep, and beam ourselves into a state of pleasant woozy ecstasy with alcohol and other stimulants. We can try every extreme sport mankind has ever invented, travel the world for little money, and afford a great many wonderful things with the help of a credit card and Internet access. There is no such thing as boredom anymore, but real quality time hardly exists either. Our needs hardly have a chance to make themselves known, because even before they’re conscious, we immediately numb and sedate them with something. But they are not really satisfied in this way. The constant availability of pleasures and distractions has made us unlearn where our longings really lie buried and what we actually desire from the bottom of our hearts. In this full-time frenzy, we will not even recognize true love when it stands before us in flesh and blood.

2. In the beginning, there is self-love.

Woody Allen once said, "I wouldn't want to be a member of a club that admits people like me." That statement pretty much sums up the thing about self-love and its effect on our self-esteem. How will anyone else ever like us if we don't like ourselves? Who is ever going to show us respect and care if we deny ourselves both? In fact, it would probably be against all the laws of nature to meet the fairy-tale princess or prince of one's dreams as a grouchy, ill-tempered, and deeply frustrated person. Our chosen person would have either a pronounced helper syndrome or a perception problem. So before we paint the partner we want in all their dazzling colors, we should first become one for ourselves.

3. Compromise? No, thanks!

This social trend is also likely to be our undoing in our search for true love. It's nice for children and young people when they are always allowed to follow their dreams and their parents do their best to remove all obstacles from their path. This is how you create laboratory conditions that the offspring take at face value. But these conditions aren’t true to real life. Those who want to continue to maintain their own personal zero-tolerance policy will have to do so alone, and for the rest of their lives. True love does not wave a magic wand that guarantees consensus in all circumstances. The truly good and stable relationships relinquish nothing, but give each other everything.

4. Would we make the time?

Work, education, leisure time, circle of friends, travel and creating digital content: Where, if you please, is there room for real feelings here? A little flirtation? Yes! A hot affair? Wouldn’t that be sweet! Swiping from one match to the next online? Why not! But to give up a piece of our meticulously organized lives when true love is standing at our doorstep elicits a clear "no" from most of us. The laboriously erected construct of work-life balance would be thrown off balance in an instant.

5. We live in a real-time loop.

What we don't know gets Googled, food gets delivered to our doorstep in no time, what we don't have we order online. We are used to having all our wants satisfied in real time. We have completely forgotten how to wait for something.

6. Too much information.

We have never before in human history been confronted with more information than we are today. The amount of data available to us can now no longer even be estimated. So for those of us who like to check the facts before embarking on the adventure of "love," make sure to have plenty of time on your hands. Those of us who want to devote ourselves to the subject analytically will unfortunately fail.

7. We can do even better.

If we decide on a partner, there is a thought in our subconscious that will not let us go from that moment on: What if she or he is not the best I can get, after all?

8. Courage to take risks.

That dark spot that probably keeps most people from consciously opening up to love is the risk of being hurt. Many of us have had our fill of scars from similar experiences. We really don't need more of that. Being courageous would be the order of the day here. But we won't succeed until the desire for true love is greater than the fear of it.

9. Romance has had its day.

One PR disadvantage that true love must now shoulder is the changed view of the world and an equally changed society. Just a few years ago, falling in love, getting engaged, getting married and starting a family were the measure of all things, at least for most people. Today, hardly anyone aspires to this idyll. The "let's see" mentality has taken over and thus declared romance null and void. Who needs the phase of mutual wooing if there is no grand plan and no worthwhile goal at the end?

10. Everything must be optimized, including the partner.

What doesn't fit is made to fit. We live in an age of optimization mania. Unfortunately, this also affects our fellow human beings. We have a very clear preconception of them and if they do not fulfill the 200-point “plan,” they are unfortunately not perfect enough for us.

11. To each his own ego trip.

The freedom that women and men can enjoy in the 21st century could not have been imagined by our ancestors in their wildest dreams. However, the "everyone does what they want" strategy is not exactly conducive to love. We are no longer heading in the same direction, but are consistently passing each other by.

12. Sex is overrated.

The media have clearly become over-sexualized in recent years. No advertisement for tissues or chewing gum can do without naked skin. Porn of the whole range can be streamed at any time and for free, unfortunately also by any age group. This creates a completely false image of sexuality, an expectation that is unrealistically high and the impression that eroticism is the most important component of love.

Today’s Conclusion:

Let yourself be surprised. Love is not a rocket science or mathematical equation for which there is a formula somewhere. No one in this world has a recipe for it and we can wait a long time for an instruction manual. Nevertheless, we should dare to give the matter of true love a chance. Say goodbye to expectations and let yourself be surprised.