In Love With a Married Man – What Now?
In love, in too deep, and he’s married. Admittedly: It's not the ideal love story, but it happens all the time. We fall in love with a man who is already taken, maybe even married. Love doesn't always choose its runway based on whether it's ready for takeoff; sometimes visibility only extends into the next moment or two. Even if we are good at keeping our feelings in check, it often gets complicated very quickly. Love is quite a wonderful thing, as long as no one is harmed by it, including ourselves. Some points we would like you to consider in this article on this delicate subject.
1. What are your intentions?
Yes, this is a question fathers of young women used to ask of their would-be admirers. It's justified in this case too, because after all, there's a marriage at stake, maybe even children involved. But you shouldn’t abandon your desires so easily, either. Married men sometimes exert a strong attraction on us, especially if they are older, more experienced and successful. They are in the middle of life, know what they want and score points with self-assurance, charisma and life experience. Think really carefully about what future you have in mind with him, provided he reciprocates your feelings. If he constantly mentions his wife and kids when talking to you, he's happy in a safe haven and probably won't even be open to an adventure. If you have chemistry, don't assume that he will leave his wife for you. In most cases, men won't, even if they promise you they will. If an affair is enough for you and you don't have a problem with being the so-called other woman in the shadows, you can certainly make a cautious attempt. But in any case, consider the consequences. If you work together or he’s even your boss, an affair, even if it goes well, can have nasty consequences for you. And yes, you can be sure the rude awakening in store will be for you, not for him. In some companies, relationships at work are even strictly forbidden and a reason for dismissal. In case the tingling adventure is short-lived and ends unpleasantly, you should definitely keep the consequences in mind.
2. Yes, he wants to! What now?
A secret love always feels intoxicating and powerful in the beginning. The feeling of teaming up with your beloved against the whole world and accepting no obstacle to happiness is really and truly an emotional high. You'll enjoy trading secret messages with him, meeting in secret, and yes, fooling everyone else, including his spouse. The intoxicating thing about an affair with a married man is not the conquest itself, but the allure of the clandestine and forbidden. This, by the way, is why so many relationships that were originally born out of an affair fail. So now you're lovers, what's the next step? Feel free to address the situation on that front if you can imagine more with him than just a fling. He should be able to tell you clearly if he wants to leave his marriage behind or if that is not an option for him. In the latter case, please believe him, there's a lot more baggage attached to most marriages than just a marriage certificate: children, family, shared real estate, and believe it or not, feelings are still very much an issue in long-term relationships that may have just gone dormant a bit in the day-to-day. If he is indeed planning to leave his wife for you, watch this development for a while. You shouldn't put any pressure on him, that never did any relationship any good. However, if after months he’s still coming at you with flowery promises, you have to be the one to draw the consequences. You have two options: You can let the affair continue knowing that it will always remain just that, or you save your dignity and look for someone free for a future together.
3. Mistress for life.
If you choose to be a lover, you must make a pact with yourself. This is because this existence comes with a few conditions that are non-negotiable. For one thing, from a social point of view, you will always be the bad guy, no matter what kind of disaster your lover has for a wife and how badly she treats him. Society is still morally on the side of marriage in the 21st century, you must realize that. Also, as a mistress, you cede all the rights that a relationship with a free man would entail. You can't call him at any time or show up at his door. Really being there for you is never possible for him. You will spend the holidays alone, long vacations together will not be easy either, unless he travels a lot and takes you with him on business trips. You have no claim to a place by his side in public, but will always remain hidden. He can end this affair at any time without facing much disadvantage. You may have arranged your whole life around him, distancing yourself from family and friends who did not like this arrangement or may have even wanted to keep you from it. On the job, as mentioned earlier, if there are consequences they will be for you, but for him, more likely not. So his wife gets the status, the security and the commitment - you get romantic meetings whose time and place are determined exclusively by him and his calendar, expensive gifts and nice words. Most of the time, however, both of you will be busy keeping your secret. By the way, according to statistics, wives know about their husband's affair in four out of five cases. So don't be surprised if one day she shows up at your door.
Today’s Conclusion
Being married complicates everything. It's unfortunate, because love must be able to develop and breathe freely, otherwise it suffocates. If such severe restrictions are imposed on it from the outset as a marriage, sooner or later it will seem to most like a three-way relationship. The winners are basically always the wives. They have the law and morality on their side. Most men would not consider divorce from a financial standpoint alone. Again, the facts speak for themselves. As a mistress, on the other hand, your position is so weak from the start that chaos and drama are all you have to gain on the bottom line. But is that really what you want? Should the victory of one forbidden love really be the destruction of another love? If your man left another woman for you, what's to stop him from doing it again? If you're going for an affair, enjoy it while it lasts and then discreetly withdraw. Again, you can preserve your dignity and not burden your karma more than absolutely necessary.