5 Reasons YOU Aren’t Getting Over HIM!
Out of sight, out of mind? Unfortunately, in practice this is not really as simple as it sounds in theory. A breakup is always painful, no matter who the initiative ultimately comes from. Our emotions are in turmoil and grief clings to our heart. It is known to be the most individual of all feelings, which is why there is unfortunately no patent remedy for processing it. However, an important first step would be to remove all mementos and photos of him. Being reminded of him every day is of little help when looking ahead, and being stuck in the past, as we know, brings us nothing but grief and a constant spinning in circles of diffuse thoughts and feelings. Create an external environment in which you don't have to constantly think about your ex and are reminded of the good old days. Once this is done, you can face your grief work and close this chapter of your life finally and well. Why this is not so easy and you may have a rocky road ahead of you here, we explain in this article.
1. The good memories outweigh the bad ones
Every relationship has and had its ups and downs. Breakups happen when the bad ones outweigh the good ones, at least for one partner, and their needs have gone permanently unmet. However, if the breakup came as a surprise to you and you hardly noticed any signs that something was wrong, the breakup will have been like a cold shower for you. It will be hard for you to remember the bad moments, since everything was fine for you. Try to consciously remember those aspects of your partner that were always difficult. Where were there arguments, where was there sand in the gears from the beginning? On which big or small issues could you never agree? Mother Nature has at least given us one ray of hope in this situation: The human brain is programmed to retain negative experiences better than positive ones in the long term. This protective function is supposed to prevent us from making the same mistakes twice. So time really does heal all wounds, because at some point our brain suppresses the good things and keeps the less romantic events in front of our eyes. Until that time comes, stay realistic and leave the rose-colored glasses in the closet.
2. It's not over yet for you
At this point it is admittedly difficult. When is it really over? Very few people actually draw a really clear line in the sand right away. Much more common are the particularly painfully drawn-out relationships that, like life-prolonging measures, only prolong suffering in the end. If you have a legitimate hope that there can be a new start for you, try not to force it. Let a few days or even better weeks pass. If you are really sure that you want him back, then try to talk to him. Refrain from phone terror, tearful text messages or emails. Your dignity is not something you should sacrifice for a relationship. However, if he then clearly states that it is finally and irrevocably over for him, you can and should believe him. Men offer little room for interpretation in their statements. Yes means yes and no means no. It is pointless and a waste of time to try to impute complicated thought processes or opaque emotional states to them. They are again afraid of feelings, nor do they want to jeopardize friendships if they don't want to be with women. They just don't want to be with them then. It's painful, but it's simple.
3. You didn't give enough space to the grieving phase
Your mind may get it, but your heart and soul may need some more time. Even if a breakup was objectively the right decision, sometimes our emotional lives lag a little behind. As with any so-called loss, grief takes time and space, and you should just be able to take that. Withdraw from life for a while, if you can, and just be yourself. If you feel like crying, do it profusely and without restraint. If your grief manifests itself in anger, mistreat an innocent sofa cushion or go for a run until you can't breathe. Grief needs to be felt and lived through. If you deny yourself that, first, no real healing will be possible, second, feelings will only be suppressed but not processed. As a result, they will eventually push to the surface, whether it suits you or not. So if weeks later you get an apocalyptic crying flash at the checkout counter in the supermarket because the roll from the cash register receipt runs out on you, of all people, then an emotional life has definitely not been given enough resonance. Grief only goes away when it has received the attention it deserves from us.
4. You associate love exclusively with him.
This point is particularly tricky. Whether it's first love, first great love, or the longest relationship of your life, if he was the one for you, it's going to be especially difficult to say goodbye to him permanently and for good. The best approach here would probably be to turn your grief over the loss into gratitude for having been given this beautiful time. Such experiences are indeed precious and not to be taken for granted. Mourning them appropriately is the least you can do. Unfortunately, the greater the love, the greater the pain.
5. It just needs more time
It's the strongest ally you'll have on your side in getting over a breakup, you just unfortunately can't turn it forward or back. For you, that means it takes as long as it takes. If you're still thinking about him way too often, dreaming about him every night, and constantly checking your phone for messages from him, you just need more time. Until nature takes its course here, try to distract yourself with nice things, learn a new hobby or volunteer, meet your friends more again or check in with those you haven't seen in a while. Time really does heal all wounds, but not at the speed of light.
Today’s Conclusion:
Don't be sad that it's over, be glad that it was. This saying of unknown origin is certainly easier said than lived, but separations are part of life. Without them, there would be no new beginning and no chance of ultimately finding the great love that will last and endure. We separate because it was not the only true thing. As always in life, looking back does not get us anywhere. The motto is to look forward. Think about what romantic adventures could still be waiting for you in the future. Who knows what life still has in store for you. Stay open, curious and keep some courage for love despite disappointments. Life is not for cowards, love even less. That's it for today.