How YOU Can Stop Being Shy – 9 Brilliant Tips to Overcome Shyness!

Are you one of those people who feel uncomfortable in crowds and are afraid to speak to people? Is your comfort zone limited to family relations? Do you prefer to avoid other people? In this article we’ll take a look at how shyness develops and what you can do to overcome it.

First of all, let's clarify: What is shyness?

Shy people try to maintain a distance from other people. Their goal is to avoid social interactions and only engage with others under certain conditions, such as under the influence of alcohol or stimulants. A study exploring the links between shyness, quality of romantic relationships, and well-being found that shyness decreases in the context of good relationships. However, it also found that even for shy people living within good close relationships attachment anxiety and avoidance do not naturally disappear.

Shyness or Introversion?

Introverts focus on their inner life. Gut feelings and their own reasoning processes take precedence over external stimuli. This does not mean that they are also shy people, as there are definitely introverts who can be outgoing. Persistent shyness, associated with the fear of being judged or condemned, is accompanied by physical reactions such as a faster heartbeat, sweating, and a red face. Emotional and cognitive symptoms follow the physical reactions. So, what causes shyness?

1. Genetics

Study results show that there are genes that can promote shyness in childhood and adulthood. However, like many other behaviors, shyness is shaped less by genes and more by upbringing and environmental influences. This means that you can control your own shyness. Even if your parents exhibit characteristics of shy people, you don't have to be fated to be, or become shy. There are numerous ways in which you can overcome this tendency.

2. Environmental Influences

Even as an embryo, you are influenced by the environment provided by your mother. For example, medications and infections can affect the character of the fetus. Stress, trauma, and toxins are other factors that can affect the personality of the baby-to-be. Parenting is among the most variable factors that produce shyness. Energetic and assertive parents seem more likely to produce shy children than parents who offer their children more freedom in their upbringing. At worst, characters emerge who do not develop their social skills and, accordingly, do not get along with others. Neighborhoods that create a threatening and scary environment can promote shyness in children, by discouraging children from going outside, and thus they fail to develop socially beneficial relationships with people outside the family. This is compounded by the lack of interaction with external living conditions that show children how life and society works. This fosters shyness. Study results indicate that children who have experienced recognition and praise from their parents suffer less from stress and anxiety. And they feel less socially isolated when left on their own for periods of time.

3. Social Experiences

Bullying and other traumatic experiences can be triggers of shy behavior as early as childhood. Classmates, family members, relatives, or friends, depending on who or what the triggers were, are then perceived as destructive and repulsive. The shy person will gradually withdraw from the relevant groups of people. If traumatic social experiences are not handled consciously, sooner or later they end up in the subconscious. Subconscious decisions can lead to confusion in conscious thought, and they can actively sabotage conscious behavior. Now let's look at some tips on how you can address your shyness.

So how can you overcome shyness?

1. Find out why you are shy.

Right from the start, answering the question of “why?” will greatly assist you in overcoming your shyness. Why did you become shy? If this question is approached consciously, you’ll experience your first "aha" moment. If shyness derives from a traumatic experience, then you can talk about it with people close to you or get professional help to overcome the resultant fears. If the reason for your shyness lies in your upbringing, then examine your relationship with your parents or relatives. Are your parents shy? Where does the oppressive feeling come from? Realize that you can change this condition yourself.

2. Find the triggers of your shyness.

Identify the triggers which initiate an if-then response. Then create a plan for how you will proceed the next time you run into anxiety-provoking situations—so you can overcome them. Such a situation might be public speaking, or prolonged eye contact with other people. Actively look for these triggers.

3. Overcome uncomfortable social situations by writing them down and overcoming them one by one.

Keep a shyness list of all your awkward social situations. This will help you to engage strangers in small talk, introduce yourself, and ask them questions. Be confident and brave—you really can handle any situation. Joining an association or club is a great way to get to know people and break down individual inhibitions. If you share interests, you can overcome your shyness in a relatively relaxed way.

4. Keep up with current events.

No matter what small talk you get into, a well-founded opinion about current events opens up a broad basis for conversation. Inform yourself in detail about hot topics to keep a conversation going and to avoid being left clueless in interactions.

5. Make eye contact with your conversation partner.

Making eye contact with others also means building rapport and trust. Shy people, unfortunately, tend to avoid looking into the eyes of their counterparts in this type of non-verbal communication. If you are able to look other people in the eyes in a relaxed manner, you’ll be initially perceived as positive and friendly. If you’re afraid of looking other people in the eye, practice this skill to be able to act confidently in social interactions.

6. Smile at your counterpart.

An Indian proverb says that the smile you send out comes back to you. Few human emotions allow for such a beautiful response as laughter or smiling. Use smiling to harmonize a conversation. A friendly face conveys open-mindedness.

7. Record your successes in a diary.

Write down all your successful experiences in overcoming shyness. A diary of your successes systematically builds your self-confidence and self-esteem. Review it from time to time when you’re having trouble. Use your recorded successes you prove to yourself what you can do!

8. Reward yourself for your successes.

You should reward yourself for your successes in overcoming shyness, for example with a favorite meal or special purchase. This helps to develop a habit that can carry you through life.

9. Accept setbacks as part of the process.

The path to overcoming shyness is not linear. Accept failures and temporary setbacks as just a part of the process of overcoming the problem.

Today’s Conclusion

You've probably noticed that overcoming shyness, takes time and patience. Use the tips that best fit your situation. Approach this process with care and determination and you will reach your goal. That's it for today.