Tolerance Limit Exceeded! THIS Is Why You Never Allow THESE Behaviors!
Family is a beautiful thing if all those involved adhere to the elementary rules of interpersonal coexistence even within this construct. There are boundaries that must be respected and no one - not even our parents - have the right to cross them. For some older generations, children remain just that for the rest of their lives: immature children who need to be tapped on the knuckles and constantly checked up on. Such unsolicited family interventions can become a test of endurance for every relationship. At the latest when the dear relatives interfere in your own private and family life, action is called for. In this article, we'll show you a few examples where you have every right to defend your boundaries.
1. They turn everything upside down at your home
Your home is your fortress and your retreat. Everything that happens there and what is in these sacred halls is part of your privacy. Not even mom and dad have the right to rummage around there to their heart's content and go in search of interesting details. This also includes unsolicited tidying, rearranging, redecorating or deliberately snooping around. Here, a clear boundary crossing takes place, which most people experience as an emotional assault, a veritable home invasion. The process of growing up sees us detaching ourselves from the family. Our own 4 walls are part of it. What happens there and what it looks like there is your decision. Advice and tips are welcome, as long as they do not sound like a dictate from a higher authority. You must categorically stop such ambitions at the first attempt. Your family are only visitors, not storm troopers who are allowed to overthrow everything without being asked.
2. Indiscretion
It's okay for them to wonder if you're okay from time to time. Worrying about offspring or the younger generation is the prerogative and, in a sense, even the duty of your elders. However, some topics are taboo once you reach the age of majority. First and foremost, of course, is your love life. What you don't want to reveal of your own accord is not a topic of conversation for a tea party or a family get-together. There is a nosy person in almost every family who just can't resist asking about juicy details of all kinds. Make it very clear here that you don't want to talk about it and change the subject. Unless a person is completely immune to the basic rules of decency, they will get the message. Your refusal, by the way, has nothing to do with rudeness or arrogance. Every person defines his or her privacy differently. What may be whimsical small talk for others is not necessarily so for you. We all have a completely different understanding of privacy and this must be clearly defined and, if necessary, defended.
3. Pointed comments about your body or lifestyle
A person's body should not actually be a topic of unsolicited conversation beyond a doctor's office. Nevertheless, there is at least one person in every family who feels called upon to be a self-appointed judge of the appearance of others. These people may not mean their nasty comments about our looks to be malicious, at least not on purpose. Some people simply don't think before they babble on. In their perception, we are consistently too thin or too fat, too pale, too heavily made up or look tired, which is the mother of all counter-compliments. As said, perhaps there is genuine concern behind this and perhaps somewhere deep down these word donations are well intentioned. But as we all know, that has always been the opposite of good. Criticism of your appearance goes hand in hand with criticism of your lifestyle. Here, too, only a clear answer will help: "Thank you, but I feel comfortable like this" would be a polite and direct announcement.
4. People bring gifts and practical things you don't really want
Gift giving represents one of the 5 languages of love. Many people, unable to express their feelings in any other way, shower their loved ones with gifts. You need to know this before you counter the flood of gifts from grandma, mom, aunt - men are less inclined to such actions within the family. Try a friendly veto. If this does not help, mention the nice thrift store on the corner, which is always happy about such things. If the chances are good that the gifts would not go to anyone if they disappeared into thin air on the next visit, donate them to a good cause if good coaxing of the noble donors proves futile.
5. Mass parenting tips for your kids
Parenthood is a new level in every sense of the word. Unfortunately, it does not shift all family structures in a different direction. Some things stay the same. Grandparents, in particular, then set themselves up as the ultimate experts on child rearing, even if you've experienced firsthand as their child that they haven't done everything correctly by a long shot. Nobody ever will. No parent is immune to mistakes. Those who already have grown-up children will certainly be able to contribute one or the other wealth of experience on the subject of parenting. However, these self-proclaimed professionals often forget that times have changed quite a bit since their children were children. It is in the nature of things that well-intentioned advice and tips change hands all over the place on this topic. Assume that they really only want the best for you and your children, but also make it clear to the parenting experts in your family that you regulate and handle things in your family according to your own ideas.
6. Unsolicited advice about your personal life
This point follows on seamlessly from the previous one. Every life is different and so is every partnership. If everything fits for you and things are going well, thank them for the tips and go with the flow. But always leave open the possibility that your loved ones know you quite well and may be able to recognize faster than you that perhaps not everything is bliss.
7. Surprise visits are the order of the day
Visitors are generally a matter of course. In the past, every citizen's family had a certain day of the week on which visitors were received. This custom could be quietly brought out of hiding and made respectable again. Anyone who is constantly standing uninvited in front of the door, gets on our last nerve and is soon no longer a welcome guest. Ask why she or he comes to visit so often. Perhaps a clarifying conversation can minimize these sporadic visits to tolerable doses.
Today's Conclusion: Clear boundaries, good friends
Nobody appreciates being reprimanded or supervised as an adult. Loving concern and toxic bossiness are 2 completely different things. If you find that the constant meddling in your affairs is becoming too much of a good thing, you need to draw clear boundaries. Family is a great thing when it gives each member enough freedom. Respecting personal boundaries is therefore non-negotiable. We certainly owe our family quite a bit. But our peace of mind is not one of them. That's it for today.